The Internet

Ever since the inception of the Internet there has been wonderment that man has gazed upon. In this digital age EVERYTHING is at your fingertips if you know how to use it. Things from Michelangelo's blueprints to the Anarchists Cookbook, to everything in between. The amount of information at your disposal these days is far greater than that you could ever wish for from teachers and lecturers. You could, if you so see fit, learn more from the Internet than you could from school/college/university. But you would have sod all to show for it other than a Good Will Hunting take on life. Which some would say isn't a bad thing.

Together with the Pandora's box of information comes a sense of control, well there should be a sense of control, with the Internet. As Rule 34 states: There is porn of it, no exceptions. Basically if you have thought of it, there is porn. And that is the dark side of the Internet. With information becomes distortion. Years ago i downloaded a faces of death video off Kazaa. And that video still haunts me, whether it was true or not i still remember that video, the colours etc. This is what the Internet has become.

With the Internet, and notably through 4-chan, have become this sense of anonymity. You can say and do whatever the fuck you want with near on no repercussions, well nearly no implications. If you are old enough to remember ICQ or yahoo chat rooms before they became petri dishes of perverts, then you will know it was part of the explosion of talking to random people around the room. Chat rooms linked people, with either common subjects or in most cases perverted sexual endeavours. It was like having pen pals but without having to write and wait weeks for reply. Although written notes were more meaningful, digital counterparts were not only easier to reply to but meant you could get through a months conversation within a week or two.

With chat rooms and programs came websites and search engines. Before Facebook and google there was Myspace, Bebo, Anglefire, Geocities, Tucows, Yahoo, Ask Jeeves. People were able to make websites catered to their own sense of style and person. I myself had a site about conspiracy theories, a few of my friends had sites full of nonsensical wonderment and before Geocities closed its doors i downloaded by friends sites (Although you can download the entire geocities directory). All this basically gave birth to Twitter and Facebook that you no doubtly use day in and day out.

But how well do you know that person that you 'follow' or you added on Facebook? The Internet provides a safety net. You can be yourself, you can be someone different. How many times have you gone into town, to a club and though "Well being myself gets me nowhere so how bout i just make up someone" you can be anyone you want in real life but most people decide they would rather do that on the internet. Its easy to tell if someone is lying in real life because usually they trip up on what they say or sometimes you can just tell. However if you talk to someone online, how do you know who or what they are?

How do you know the person you talk to day in and day out is who they say they are. Do you really know that man/woman are who they say they are. What they do for a living is what they actually do etc. There is a degree of trust that you instill in someone, usually someone you don't know, yet you will gladly talk to someone, open up to them as if you knew them for years. Why? You wouldn't walk up to someone in a coffee shop and lay on them your life story or what you have been up to the previous week.

That person you might talk to online, be it Facebook/Skype/Twitter/AIM/MSN/Any other social networking site or program, how do you know they are who they say they are? How would you feel if after a year of talking to someone that they turn around and end up being not who you thought they were?

I have had the pleasure/displeasure of knowing someone for about 18-24 months. Talking to them pretty much daily, knowing them well enough to know that if they did or didn't say something, that i would know what they meant from that. How well do you know your family or friends that you know what they mean when they don't use words? Anyway you get to know someone, about their life and their family, and they do you. Its a pen pal relationship where you just talk to someone else in the world, which is what social media is all about really. But you develop feelings for someone, i mean who wouldn't if you ended up talking to someone day in and day out for a year or two. As trivial as conversations might be "I broke up with my boyfriend, i went on holiday, i had my mum visit, my day at work was shit" Its these interactions that make you develop attractions. 

But my initial question, somewhere up there, still beckons. How do you know how you talk to are who they say they are.

Now this is going to get way too personal for a blog post, well considering most of my other blog posts anyway. I have known girl named Lexi for about 2 years. A random occurrence and following on Twitter brought us together. We both had a love of geeky things such as games or the odd TV show/film. We connected over things such as family, life and tea. When i said things she listened and when she didn't say things i knew what she meant. Its the whole reading between the lines part of relationship i suppose? Knowing someone inside and out without meeting them is a concept a lot of people cant comprehend, and for a lot of people will understand fully. 

Anyway move on about 2 years, a few months ago, and i come upon a revelatory piece of information. There is a website called Tineye, that allows you to pretty much back trace an image. I use it to see if anyone is using my pictures that i upload on face book or my other blog that i use for photography. Anyway, like googling your own name, i used it on a picture of Lexi and was suddenly confronted with an entire google database of websites dedicated to this girl and her pictures. Which i hope you can understand is a fucking shock. Imagine finding a website dedicated to your friend, family member or girlfriend/boyfriend that you never knew about. It took me by shock. So if anyone reading this wondered why a month or so ago i was acting weird and depressed well that's your answer, in a way. 

Upon confronting Lexi i got a story about how she was once a model for Myspace and her pictures were used all over the place and yadda yadda bla bla a story was woven. Now the usual reason someone would fake who they were on the Internet would be because of low self esteem or many other psychological reasons i am not even going to bother going into. So this story was woven which seemed bollocks but also through knowing someone rather well seemed plausible. Heart said one thing, head said another. And upon pressing for actual information the story then changed. It changed to using Twitter and a picture of a model to see, psychologically, how people perceive online persona's. Which is a fucking good question, really. I mean whats stopping you from grabbing a picture and using it as your own persona? Common decency really.

So much bollocks later, about this that and the other, an actual person was found. Her name was still Lexi, but the picture was different. But the person was the same. And that's all that matters. The person you know is the same but the trust is gone. If one of my good friends turned round and relayed some piece of information that was a major contrast to who i knew and what i knew about them, i doubt i could ever trust them the same.

So there is a degree of doubt in everything and anything i knew about 'Lexi'. I can never fully trust that person like i used to. My feelings have changed but are still the same. I'd love to turn around and call her a psycho bitch that had no right to do that, but at the same time its the Internet. Whats stopping her or you? 

Yes for a day or three i was empty. Yes i know don't really like her as a person and that she doesnt mean the same to me as she did say 6 months ago. Yes i don't believe a single word she says anymore, not so much that its untrue, but that what right does she have to have me trust anything she says. But at the same point everything i have learnt about her is true. How do i know? I don't. But talking to someone for a long period of time you just know. Making up a persona is hard, changing your name or image is easy but changing who you are, your likes/dislikes, fears or desires is hard.

I really don't know where this blog was going, maybe i needed to get things off my chest or warn people of the dangers of the Internet? Kids growing up these days don't really know the dangers of the Internet. And i don't mean that pervert down the road that logs onto your Stickam broadcasts, i mean anything and everything you do is on the Internet. It ever goes away, and it can never be deleted. I may or may not have lost/left my job because of things i posted on here or facebook. Try googling your name and seeing what information comes up, its scary sometimes what you find out is available to everyone to see. 

The internet is a wonderful thing. It is a dangerous thing. It stretches the realm of understanding but it also constricts what you can perceive. It offers warmth, solace and caring. It also offers darkness, cold and subjection.

It is up to you how you use it. 

April 2012: The End of the World or How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Loved My Robot Overlords

Don't be fooled by the robotic puppy dog eyes of Wall-E, he means to kill you. Or conveniently dispose of your rubbish in a silent manner. Or kill you. Or make a castle out of blocks of rubbish much like Minecraft. Or kill you.

The whole hubbub surrounding the April 2012 'We are all going to die' scenario is the Mayan calender pretty much predicted most things that happened in an interstellar manner. Up until 2012. Which most people took a sign of "Well they saw everything till then and nothing more, therefore we will die". But much like the Y2K virus which "Would set off all the nukes, therefore we die" it won't. Or will it?

Some troubling news has befallen me, and anyone else with an Internet connection. They are becoming self aware. Recently a Robot named Watson competed on Jeopardy and tied with one of the human competitors who was a reigning champion. Watson learned from his answers and for the most part got them right. When wordplay came into it he got confused and answered incorrectly. Now this learning robot also reminds me of a TED talk about a robot comedian. What was special with the comedian robot was it gauged the audiences response from both applause, laughter and silence and catered its comedy routine based on that. Another learning robot.

Coupled with Big Dog, The Xos Exoskeleton, Self Assembling Furniture, This Lifelike Robot mimicking facial expressions and Realistic Animatronic Eyeball, we are getting a hell of a lot closer with Self Aware Artificial Intelligence. Well its pretty much there really. There is something called a Singularity which is defined as:

A predicted future event in human history caused by the ever-increasing ability of new technology to speed up the rate at which new technology is developed

 This can be described by Amplified Intelligence, modifying the brain with implants, sort of the same way that bloke shoved a camera in his head. Though it was not meant to be as his body rejected it. So kinda pointless.

It can also be described by Artificial Intelligence too. By that we mean computers that can think for themselves and either update themselves to be smarter than us and itself or create machine to work for it. Which would be a scary day.

So it falls back to the 2012 scenario and i put this to you. At some point in our future this 'Singularity' WILL happen and when it does, if it is to lead towards Artificial Intelligence, then some point after the Self Aware computer will start creating other computers and machines. And so on and so forth, may be years or decades but it will happen. Now some point after that people will become frightened of this technology and will either revolt or regress. Yes it plays out like a science fiction film, but that is only because within science fiction lays science fact.

So going through the decades, maybe even centuries something will happen where traveling at the speed of light will happen. And with that is the possibility of time travel.
Now if you were this advanced computer and you knew humanity would revolt and pose a threat you would try and stop this. And the only people that foresaw this happening where an advanced civilization known as the Mayans. So you go back and kill them all. Thus stopping them from communicating what will inevitably happen in the future.

Yeah i know sound far fetched and preposterous. Fun to think about though eh?

Either way this singularity will occur. It will lead to revolutionary discoveries in medicine, science and human understanding. It will lead to a serene time within all. We will be able to feed the hungry, cure the sick and stop wars.
It could also bring about a time of never ending war. More powerful machines and weapons. Nanotechnology could be used in weapons where they are dropped on cities and people/buildings are devoured from within.

I hope to be alive when this happens. It will be amazing, and to be fair the past 25 years i have been alive have shown just how fast technology can progress. Computers have gone from being the size of rooms to the size of a credit card. Phones now have the capabilities of computers.

Hell the Internet. I am lucky to appreciate all of this around me as i have seen it grown. Kids now have all of this technology from the get go. But they abuse it. They are not learning and progressing. There is a 'Tech-Stalemate' We are not progressing as fast as the past few decades, that too will herald the singularity.

Life In Balance: Music and Film

 

So the post before kind of delved into how i feel about music and film, and what it does to both the cinema goer and the film itself.
One film combines both of these two beautifully and is called Koyaanisqatsi. It is am experimental film from 1982 that combines slow motion footage with time lapse stills to bring a Life Out of Balance, which is what Koyaanisqatsi means when translated (well thereabouts).
 
It won numerous awards, one of which was the Francis Ford Coppola endorsement and he is now credited as executive producer. The visual elements go from amazement, to haunting, to puzzlement. And the soundtrack from Phillip Glass compliments it brilliantly. The soundtrack is nearly as long as the film, film is 86mins and music is 76, but sometimes you don't know its there. It transitions the different segments of the film as it moves from the early stages showing the environment and humanity through the progression of war, atomic age, right up to the 'micro-ship' age at the end. All culminating in the final scene showing the ultimate price of technology and the progression of man. NB: Its not the challenger disaster which happened 4 years after.

Some of you might recognise some of the music from the first public trailer of GTA IV, or the scene from Watchmen where Dr Manhattan talks about his origins. Koyaanisqatsi has also appeared in parody on the Simpons where an Itchy and Scratchy show entitled Koyaanis-Scratchy: Death Out of Balance was shown. Madonnas 'Ray of Light' video also resembles the feel of Koyaanisqatsi.

The soundtrack was so popular that the Phillip Glass Ensemble toured while playing the music live over the film, pretty much like War of The Worlds, if you have ever seen that on its tour.

Koyaanisqatsi was the first in the 'Qatsi' trilogy which shows Life out of Balance. Powaqqatsi was the second and shows the Life in Transition, primarily third world countries and losing the fight of holding onto their traditions in the face of industrialization. The third is Naqoyqatsi which means Life at War and shows the  'transition from a natural environment to a technology-based industrial environment'.

All three films are cheap to pick up if you want to see what I'm talking about. Those less inclined to purchase them can view the film below courtesy of Google.

Admittedly i used to watch this stoned and concentrated more, as you cant really have a busy mind when watching it. Not that I'm suggesting you get stoned and watch it, just pay attention, don't discount it for being some arty film you wont get, people interpret what they see in different ways. Watch it, think about it, discuss it.

Twelve Days of Christmas: The True Cost

I've decided to revise my 12 Days of Christmas blog post from 3 years ago. Due to the fact we have been through a recession and, well, its 3 years old. As Bob Dylan sang

These Times, they are a changing

I'm going to keep the same formula but like with the Advent Posts i shall just google the 'thing' and choose from one on the first page, mainly since a lot of the old pages no longer exist.

So onwards with The 12 Days of Christmas, the true cost

So here is what i found and the cost of each item:

Partridge - £3.99
Pear Tree - £17.45
Turtle Dove - £7.45
Hen - £12.50
Calling Birds - 99p (Yes i know its The Beatles, but a Calling Bird is a Blackbird....)
Gold Ring - £99
Goose - £45 based on a Goose for 4 people
Swan - £99 Based on one nights stay on my birthday
Milk Maid - £100 NSFW link as its a Ceramic Dildo but has a picture of a Milkmaid.
Dancing ladies - £50 Wedding Disco
Lords a Leaping - £28.95
Pipers Piping - £71
Drummer - £60 a day drum hire

So that's the cost of each individual item, now to put them into the rhyme.

1st day of Christmas my true love gave to me: A partridge in a pear tree = £21.44

2nd day is 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £35.90, add that to Day One = £56.90

3rd day is 3 French Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £73.40, added to Day Two = £130.30

4th day is 4 Calling birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £77.36, added to Day Three = £207.66

5th day is 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £572.36, added to the current total is £780.02

On the 6th day are 6 Geese a Laying (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £842.36, added to the total is £1622.38

So halfway through the Twelve Days of Christmas the total is £1622.38. Which is about £400 cheaper than 2007. Admittedly the items are different.

7th Day is 7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £1535.36, added to the total = £3157.74

8th Day is 8 Maids a Milking (£800),7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £2335.36, added to total is £5493.10

9th Day are 9 Ladies Dancing (£450), 8 Maids a Milking (£800),7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £2785.36, added to the total is £8278.46

10th Dare are 10 Lords a Leaping (£289.50), 9 Ladies Dancing (£450), 8 Maids a Milking (£800),7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £3074.86, added to total is £11,353.32

11th Day are 11 Pipers Piping (£781), 10 Lords a Leaping (£289.50), 9 Ladies Dancing (£450), 8 Maids a Milking (£800),7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £3855.86, added to the current total is £15,209.18

The Twelfth and final day are 12 Drummers Drumming (£720), 11 Pipers Piping (£781), 10 Lords a Leaping (£289.50), 9 Ladies Dancing (£450), 8 Maids a Milking (£800),7 Swans a Swimming (£693), 6 Geese (£270), 5 Gold Rings (£495), 4 Calling Birds (£3.96), 3 Hens (£37.50), 2 Turtle Doves (£14.90) and a Partridge in a Pear Tree (£21) = £4575.86, added to the current total is £19,785.04.

So there we have it, the final and total cost of the 12 Days of Christmas is a little under £20,000

So when you want to surprise your other half with something festive, just buy a Gingerbread house.

Advent: Dec 14th

After much thought, over the past two days, i decided to stop screwing around with any ideology of me fighting my company over what would inevitably be me getting fired and just quit.
So i woke up, showered and googled 'resignation letters'. I've never had to write one before. I looked at Nixons resignation from The White House after Watergate, so i dubbed my current situation Picturegate, given the context of my disciplinary etc i thought it quite apt.
The other reason for me to go into town was because i got a phone call telling me my lovely new phone is back as it was broken and got replaced.

So packed my rucksack with various boxes from the phone shop and carried a Spyder Pro back to work for a colleague. First port of call was work where i picked up my shoes, i couldn't be bothered to get my desk fan i bought about 3 years ago, they also owe me £15 i think as i paid part of the deposit for the Christmas meal. Hmm i should try and get that back, will come in handy.

On the way out i chatted to my manager and just said there was a letter in the office which was my resignation effective immediately. Usually the notice period would be applied and i would work a months notice, especially given its Christmas period and the shop gets really busy, but they decided to start this at this particular time, so i finished it. Yes it looks bad leaving at such a peak period but my hand was forced. I feel sorry for the shop floor staff that now have to work extra hard.
Funnily enough not one person out of the management looked me in the eye as i walked in, or bothered to talk to me. Other staff members did, which is why i still talk to them, and will do.

Tis a little bit sad as 4 out of my 8 years of working was at this place and to leave on such terms is evident at how much the place has changed since i started, atmosphere; morale and general work ethic has changed completely in about 18 months. But "Times, they are a changing" people have come and gone from that place, and the majority have kept in contact, so thats something.

Anyway with that ticked off my list i ventured to the o2 shop to pick up my newly replaced Dell Streak and headed to the sandwich shop next to work to have a tea and tinker with my phone. Had a chat with the staff etc which will be another sad note as i used to go in every day now it will be every now and again. Shame, really nice people in there.
Got my phone sorted and came home. Deciding what to do with my phone in terms of settings etc, had some dinner and watched Waynes World. Watched a few other films here and there and generally pottered about the house. Tried to play some Xbox but couldn't get into any game so just watched more films, browsed the Internet for books and Christmas presents and generally wasting the day away.

I did have a brief flutter and looked for jobs on Gumtree and Grapevinejobs but nothing there for me, or nothing i saw that popped out at me.
With me now being unemployed it gives me a renewed invigor to grab a job that i will love to do, be it customer facing, office or something else. We'll see but it needs to be soon. Bonus on not having a job in retail.... i get Christmas and New Years off hands down now :D I know, not working isn't ideal but i haven't had time off like this in along time. Better do something with it then.

The last few hours of the night were spent talking about tattoos, making me want to get one now, and talking about relationships and love and all that rubbish. Drudging up old feelings about people generally isn't an ideal way to start the going to sleep process, but i helped someone out so who cares about me eh?

Time to finish writing that book, trying to organise a 'event' for next year and generally live.

Almost forgot, my phone doesn't charge. Yeah great isn't it. Wont charge from USB or mains charger, how great is that? Guess 'im going back to the o2 shop tomorrow... I'm not having a lot of luck with items of luxury, what with my bike problems and various problems with my phone.

Ah well, heres to Wednesday. Middle of the week, not too stressful and lunch to be had, and possible Christmas shopping of some kind.

I shall end this night listening to Debussy - Clair de Lune.

Till the morrow

Advent: Dec 11th

Woke up a little late today, still managed to get to work for 8:50. Enough time to get changed, get a tea and get the machines up and running. The day went like most Saturdays during peak period, roller coaster start. First theres a few people, then the shop is packed then theres a few people. Rinse and repeat for the whole day.
Didn't sell much, a few things here and there, a couple of big sales with all the trimmings. It was mainly talking to customers about presents or new cameras for themselves. Everyone left happy.
About midday the manager asks me to go speak to the Regional Manager who was upstairs, and after a chat about being late again (I had a disciplinary about being 5-10mins late for work) i was also questioned about things i have posted on here/facebook and twitter regarding work and any issues i have regarding it.
Thing is apart from this blog, where no mention to what company i work for, the rest of the social media sites are set to private. So the only people that can see it are people i work with, friends and family. The general public cannot see any remarks i make. So I'm not saying anything, but 2 + 2 =....

Nevertheless we had a brief respite where i could just wander around pondering such things before going back in. The regional manager came to such conclusions that they were suspending me from work until further notice and that i was not to talk to any employee of work and not visit any branch.

Silver lining being that i have time to shop for presents and I'll probably be able to have some sort of Christmas this year.
Bad part being I'll probably go back for a disciplinary and lose my job.

Certain members of work have been blocked from Twitter and taken off facebook so my musings can't offend them anymore, ah well only work colleagues.

So i was escorted off the premises, not like with my hands behind my back but in case i kicked off or something stupid. And with that i went to lock my bike up.
As i was doing so my mates came round the corner and i told them what happened. We walked around a bit and discussed what lead to my suspension and what would happen next. They had the 'we told you so' look and also said i should have got a new job ages ago anyway. Which is true.

We walked around for a bit and talked, then we bumped into our other friend who's flat warming it was. So we broke off, they went to get lunch and we did too. We talked about the flat warming and again about my suspension.
I got my bike and he went to pick up some other friends, i cycled to the Oakford and handed in the camera i found on Thursday.
I then cycled home and emailed a friend what happened at work and if i can appeal against the decision etc while it was fresh in my mind.

My friend came to pick me up and we went to Asda to get supplies for the nights activities. Lots of alcohol and some food from Iceland. Back to his flat where the girls proceeded to put the tree up, decorate it etc while we sat back and had a beer or two.
With the tree looking pretty damn impressive we connected it up so it would stay up and not fall over. We cracked open a few more beers and sat around listening to music and playing a ping pong game on the xbox. The girls then cooked some Rocky Road, which was amazing, and we put some food in the oven.
Finished playing ping pong when everyone came in and we watched Elf. A pretty festive film if i may say so and Zooey Deschanel is gorgeous as ever. We played a DVD interactive game of Family Fortunes, was fun but we didn't really play it properly.
We couldn't decide whether to watch Inception or something light hearted, so we watched Team America: World Police. I hadn't seen this film in ages so was just as funny, half the people left during the film and only a couple of us were left. We finished drinking and watching the film and then i got a lift home.

Got home quite early considering it was a party, though i was pretty tired after the days goings on.

So i probably shouldn't have talked about what was going on at work, but there is an element of freedom of speech i like to have. And again nothing mentioned on where i work.

I now have to wait for my disciplinary hearing and the outcome of that. Though i can see where it is heading.

Advent: Dec 6th

This picture pretty much sums my mood up, not explosive but dry and irritable.
The day started out pretty good. A lay in which was lovely and an egg sandwich made for me when i got up. A nice walk to work with some equally nice music, some new bands suggested by a friend on Twitter and some classical music i downloaded.
Got to work and had a cuppa tea. Immediately it was apparent this day was going to take some bull horning, which is probably the wrong phrase to use if it is even a phrase. Basically i had to take charge of the day. Which didn't happen, much. Everyone was stressy at work, i mean it was a working day so why wouldn't they be.
For the most part the working day was good. Talked to lots of customers about cameras, pictures, gifts and gadgets. No arsey customers which is always a bonus. I was just counting down the hours till i could go pick my bike up from my mates flat. If you recall i had some issues with my bike on Saturday (See Advent:Dec 4Th) and i really don't like walking that much, not when i can cycle.

I'm pleased to report that the doors stay closed for the most part, as soon as its about 18 degrees the doors are open till it gets below 16 then the doors shut. Its a compromise i suppose, one i really cant be bothered to argue, also the placement of the thermometer is also a bit stupid but loop holes are there to be made and used.

So the day goes past without any complications and i trotted off to pick my bike up from my friends, stop off at Primark to get some trousers (too small) and i forgot to get some Icing Sugar so my friend gave me hers. Stayed for about 30Min's and chatted then left. I get my bike get on it and start pedalling, as soon as my left foot puts any weight onto the pedal it only goes and fucking comes flying off sending me down onto the frame of the bike and scratching my thigh all against it.

Cue a 5 minutes of me trying to work out how it screws on, neither normal 'lefty loosey, righty tighty' or the opposite work, so I'm guessing its something less trivial than that. So I'm pretty pissed off with that, not only the bike but the bike shop ACTION BIKES IN READING. The first issue was the pedal wasn't screwed in properly and about 2 weeks after buying the bike i took it back and had to get the entire crank replace, which on Saturday completely fell off. Now the pedal fell off after i had to pay and get a new one attached.

So 5 weeks of owning a bike and i have been back three times. The chap who did the road safety inspection on my bike, who also changed the crank the first time after the person who did the road check did the pedal wrong (himself). Funnily enough i learnt on Saturday that he no longer works there.... Hmm wonder if it has anything to do with failure to fucking sort out a bike?

I'm not unreasonable am i? My old mountain bike lasted two years. After i purchased it i forgot to get the 6 week check sorted and had no problems. About a year later i go to Action Bikes and get a service where they find my brake pads need replacing. Which was fine but then i had to pay for each pad to be fitted, on top of the service and purchase of brake pads. Then about a week after i get the service my back tire feels really dodgy when riding. So i take it back and low and behold i suddenly need a new tire fitted as the axle was broken. Something i would have thought they would have spotted during the service? So then i had to pay for that to be fitted and a whole new tire.

As strange as that was i had no complaints because it had lasted a fair long time without ANY problems. Then it got nicked.

So tomorrow i am going to have to go to this bike shop and get arsey. I hate arsey customers because they get nothing accomplished but when i went in Saturday and i was being nice i was basically told that the reason the crank came off was my fault. Now i don't get that. Again i don't want to go back to a bike shop unless i need a new tire, or handlebars or brakes... Not because of what seems to be failure to put a bike together...

No doubt Advent:Dec 7Th will have either a happy ending or an enraged rant/open letter to the people of reading regarding bikes.

Time to swot up on the Sales of Goods Act 1979.

Advent: Dec 1st

I'm going to try something, i might not fulfill it everyday but I'll try. Like many others i too have an Advent calender. Its a Dr Who one. I opened today and had a car.... Of which i though there was no correlation to Dr Who, according to my Dad Jon Pertwee had a Model T Ford in the TV Show.

Anyway i digress, the chocolates bad and has no meaning to Christmas.

For the next 31 days i am going to try my own advent thing. Every day i shall post what ever i have done, will do etc. Sort of opening a window into my life. No chocolates or crappy pictures. Just crappy insights and grammar. For this i shall google 'December First/Second/Third' with that exact wording and choose a picture from the first page. At the top is today's.

OK so there might be crappy pictures.

Today was a pretty ordinary day. Again i awoke to no snow and bitter coldness awaiting me. What made it worse is the shower is fucked. It doesn't have much pressure and it goes from hot, to boiling hot then freezing cold. Have to turn it off and on about 4 times this morning.
Cycle to work was so bloody cold. No frost but bloody cold. The past few days cycling i have noticed part of the Kennet has been frozen over. Quite funny seeing skid marks where ducks have landed on the ice. Nice way to start the day.

What else, er we had two new starters today. One is the fiance of one of the Team Leaders, nice girl but i am against any kind of family persons working together. Be it mum/dad/sister/wife etc. Its hard enough to leave your life problems at home when you go to work and vice versa. I've worked with my mum years ago and my brother too. Both pleasant but the whole work thing changes when its not just work colleagues/friends but family members. The other girl has worked for magazine publications, taking photos of bands etc and seems to know her stuff. I'm sure the harsh reality of working in retail will soon become aware, as it does to all of us.

There is an ongoing issue at work with the apparent 'open door policy'. I know the psychology behind it (A closed door isn't as inviting as an open door to customers) but when its December, Winter, and freezing outside or sometimes snowing then there is no reason whatsoever to keep a door open. Especially when the heaters rarely work and customers in the shop also complain. Its not the best environment to try and find a camera for someone when they are wearing gloves.

I think I'm winning the battle since the past few days the door has been open a short period. Small periods throughout the day, yes. Not all the time.
I have an idea to put some outdoor L.E.Ds on my bike, attach with cable ties. Should be a laugh, or i might look a prick. Either way ill be happy.

That's about it i suppose for my Advent: Day One.

I managed to get my brothers phone working, my Dell Streak phone is with o2 getting fixed i hope. It's weird, i haven't had a phone for two days and i have been edgy. I needed to converse, to text or twitter or email, and not being able to was really annoying, especially as it wasn't by choice.

Looking forward to this weekend. Friday is my friend Kat's birthday. So lots of happenings. Drinks at the weekend which will be messy, and i have really been looking forward to this. I need a good night out. Sunday is Christmas meal at Las Iguanas.

Now i know some people don't get Christmas parties at work, or at least the work do not pay for them. But ours does, which is the nice point i suppose. Every year we have been given on average £20 per head. Which is adequate for a nice meal. The first year i started work i had a Christmas hamper, it was amazing and i had only just joined. Then we got a 'Staff discount booklet', then every year since is special staff deals on cameras etc.
Anyway we booked Las Iguanas due to it being nearly £20 but now we are only getting £15 per head. The kicker? We have to pay for it ourselves, then send in an expense claim form (individually) then they give it back to us in our wages, probably in February.

Right well Home Alone is on TV now. Its on Sky Xmas.... a channel which shows Christmas movies i guess, then why the fuck is Starship Troopers on later..... Get it right at least.

Hope you enjoyed the first day of advent.

Tales of a Drunkard: No Sweat Fest

When my friend Tom usually says "Hey I'm going to a squat party, you should come" I usually envision a dark and dingy building with lots of drug addled protesters and hippies. I was pleasantly surprised.
We started off in Reading at the Allied Arms having a quick drink before we headed to the train station to get some drinking beers and food. On the train to London we chatted, I took pictures and general tomfoolery.
The squat was in Hackney so a bit of a trek from Reading, but a tube here and a bus there we got there. The reason for the bus was the tube was being its usual crappy self, only problem with the bus was Arsenal had just won 6-0 and was letting out time when came past. We got to Hackney around 7pm, fashionably late i know, and the place was amazing. Like an old theater it loomed at an awkward angle.
A lot of people were already outside, sitting in a boat, on the floor or standing around chatting. We paid the £5 donation then went to get some beer from Iceland. Apparently me carrying in two 4 litre bottles of Ye Olde English wasn't the thing to do so i settled with 4 cans of strongbow to start with.

We sat around chatting to random people and some of Toms friends came and chatted to them. The music was from 2pm onwards and we caught a few of them, mainly Punk with some ska-punk too.
There was one band that was pretty good, after a few songs the singer would read some of his poems. One went "What kind of man are you, who rubs his elbows against mine on the tube. Must be a poof" Then 10 seconds into his song a guy ran out of nowhere, jumped on stage, lamped him and grabbed the Mic stand trying to hit the guy. The singer grabbed his bass to try and defend but the crowd divided them.
Apparently the singer has a history of saying homophobic or sexist remarks. Shame as it was a good band up until that point. Ah well. Punks eh?

I don't remember how or when, partly due to drugs and or alcohol, but i sat down talking to some people, Ann, Angela and Caroline. Good chats about life and such, probably the drugs, but at one point Angela was helping this guy Morgan who was absolutely battered. We got him some water and Angela went to find Thelma, a sexy secretary looking polish girl who was his girlfriend. She couldn't so i tried, failed but helped him inside so he could pass out somewhere.
Hours passed, drinks were drunk, chats were had and dancing was done. Yes theres probably photographic evidence of me skanking it up but it was fun.
It got to about 2.30am and i started chatting to a girl called Lisa about Pokemon, Stargate and other such nonsensical wonderment that long nights of drinking bring forth. Which was a nice end to the night.

Tom was talking about an after party in a warehouse but at time of leaving the squat, 3ish? There was no word. Morgan appeared out of nowhere and said he was going to a party so i left Tom, Anders and the others to head back to Paddington, while i stayed with Morgan. Outside he was chatting with some guys and i asked him for directions back to Paddington, he gave them to me but as i helped him when he was drunk he wasn't going to let me wander the streets of Hackney alone. Which was good because i had about £800 worth of stuff on me.

We walked through Hackney sharing a bottle of rum and coke when he laid the bomb on me that he had nowhere to go as he was Homeless. We continued chatting, about himself and how he came to be on the streets. Unfortunately he was a victim of circumstance. Foster homes, run ins with police etc, I'll leave alot of that discussion out.
He came to London from Ireland about 10yrs ago but again circumstances meant he was on and off the streets. We sat around talking for hours. He met a couple in the off license and they came and we all sat around chatting till the sun came up. He is actually a graphic designer and currently has two websites up and running, he uses free WiFi to update etc. He was a really nice guy, and now a friend on Facebook, hopefully I'll see him at some point again.
It got to that point where i had to find my way back to paddington otherwise i would just curl up in a ball and pass out. I said my goodbyes and jumped on a bus that said 'Via Kings Cross' as i vaugley knew where that was.

OK due to me endlessly twittering to keep me amused during my journey it helps piece together things. Apparently i left the squat at 3:54am with Morgan and we chatted till 6:44am which is when i got on the bus to nowhere. Due to that nice bus trip it meant i was back in Hackney about 7:30am because i went to McDonald's to get some breakfast. Now i have only had 1 McDonald's in about 4 years and that was on New Years Eve.
After walking a while some guy called Gary proceeded to tell me that he 'Doesn't drink or do drugs but needed some money for a hot chocolate" I ended up getting a tube from Highbury and getting to Paddington at 9:29am. So it took me 3hrs of walking and the such to get me about 8miles, impressive display of idiocy.

I think my experience of Hackney is summed up by this tweet

"I cant seem to escape hackney. Ive walked in every sodding direction and taken a bus yet I'm still in fucking hackney"

Not having much money i was pleased to see the gates in London were open and if i had any trouble in Reading i would just say i came from Twyford. As soon as the train left Paddington i must have sparked out in the vestibule because i woke up as we just pulled into Reading. I then remembered i sodding cycled to Reading so had a 4mile bike ride home. Slowest bike ride ever. I walked into my home around 10am, and fell asleep till 4pm. Then went to a friends from 8pm - 2am. No point wasting a day in bed :)

All in all i had an amazing time in London. The squat party was brilliant and was for a good cause so check out the website No Sweat. The people i chatted to were amazing and I even enjoyed the walk home.

I think that's about it, unfortunately this probably doesn't seem that good, but to me it was a fun evening and I'm sure some of it has been lost in translation.

Twenty Ten

We've had a tumultous year in 2009. The entire world has been effected by the economic downturn and a great flu pandemic.
We've seen amazing strides in acceptance in the political world from the United States but unfortunatly we have all suffered
great losses in the ongoing conflict in Afghanistan.

As we enter 2010, one cannot but wonder if this is the world that the invisionaries of the past imagined. There are no robot
servants, no flying cars and no monoliths. We enter a new age, a new decade in fact, still reeling from our past decisions.
We remember what has been done in the past and yet we seem doomed to repeat those actions. We look in the face of terror and
say no more. Yet we look in the face of global warming and shrug our shoulders. We should hold both manufactured and biological
terrorism in the same vein. Why should the immediate danger overshadow the forthcoming danger? Maybe it wont effect ourselves
but in the long run its our children and childrens children that will face the brunt of the impeding disaster. We embrace technology
as our saviour, yet it will most probably be our downfall in the years to come. We must rely on each other more so than the circutboards
made by technicians and scientists.

Take back our lives. 2010 is the year of self worth.

Tales of a Drunkard Special: Interpreting the Signs

Forget palms and tea leaves. Look for the signs....

So i was walking home in a drunken stupor and thought it would be funny to to take pictures of road signs. And well interpret them. So here goes....

Take Life:


Just to reiterate:

Because if you don't, you'll just end up going in:

All your decisions will be going like:

Thus any hopes and/or desires will fall upon:

Although hidden, your views on the world will be more liberal:

And at the age of:

You'll feel life is going:

But soon you get the green light:

To go ahead and start on those important things:

You'll be forced to change your views:

But don't fall prey:

But:

Otherwise other people's views will:

And your views will suddenly change on their axis: