Saturday, 25 June 2011

Cereal Killer

One thing growing up I enjoyed. Breakfast. Whether you ate it with your family talking about the days activities or you're sat discussing the news or like me you sat watching cartoons, it is usually a staple diet for most children and adults. It starts the day. Be it toast, porridge, cereal, coffee, tea, fruit, yogurt.

As your tastes change from being told what to eat and what you want to eat in the morning (Cold pizza is damn good in the morning) you forget the little things that set you up for the day. That cartoon, that comic or that toy. Wait, what? Toy? At breakfast? Are you overdosing on vitamin C, you don't have toys at breakfast, your not in hospital. But wait, that happened when I was a child. Was it a dream?

No it was not.

The time was when you raced to open a new box of cereal, either to cherry pick the toy or just for that chance. The older you got you realised that you could just reach in and grab the toy. Yes toy, I keep saying this word, but what do i mean toy?

Well back before retarded children started to put anything and everything into their mouths you were able to find toys in packs of cereal. Admittedly not as cool as American kids toys like decoder rings but still pretty awesome. The picture at the top is something most children in the UK must have seen/had as a kid. I have some toys in the loft I have seen recently and some were water squirters from The Mask and some Simpsons ones too. You got figures, reflectors, stickers, tazos. Lots of things were on offer to the breakfast children. But alas not anymore. The best you get are offers that give you money off other things.
I remember once there were three toys connected, the cutter obviously malfunctioned, it was Christmas, Easter and my Birthday all rolled in one. Three toys in one! AMAZING.

Fuck, I opened a bank account when I was 10 with Barclays, this offer was with Shreddies... You opened an account with something like 75p and Barclays added 25p to make a solid £1 and there you had it, one shiny new bank account. I still have this bank account, albeit it rather overdrawn, but this is the power of cereal. 16 years later I have this bank account, this was offered to me by a cereal company....

What has gone wrong, why do we not have toys. Surely parents should say "No Timmy don't put that replica of Nelsons column in your mouth, its not edible"

Kellogs, I implore you. Add toys back to your boxes of cereal. It will be the best thing you can do.

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