Tuesday, 4 March 2008

Scuttle Me This, Scuttle Me That

So a new Zombie film is out this weekend, Diary of the Dead, and to prepare you for a potential viral outbreak I have these few tips.

1.) Find a gun, it's not best to get too close to Mr Bitey.
2.) Loose clothes cost lives, Mr Bitey becomes Mr Grabby too.
3.) Have an injured person or a fat person in your group since when you are trying to escape it's best to scuttle someone for the survival of the group.

Now for those who might not know what Scuttling is read below:

Scuttling is the act of deliberately sinking a ship by allowing water to flow into the hull. This can be achieved in several ways - valves or hatches can be opened to the sea, or holes may be ripped into the hull with brute force or with explosives. Scuttling may be performed to dispose of an old or captured vessel, as an act of self-destruction to prevent the ship from being captured by an enemy force, as a blockship to restrict navigation through a channel or within a harbor, or to provide an artificial reef for divers and marine life.

So if your fleeing police/zombies/chavs it's probably best for the group that someone gets scuttled, they know their going to slow everyone down, so go on take one for the team. This sort of act can be used anywhere, hunting for example.
You and your son, lets call him Timmy, are fishing by the stream when suddenly a bear comes from behind you intent on killing you both for taking his fish. Now what options are open to you:

1.) You put your son behind you and try to fend of this behemoth
2.) You put your son on your head and both make loud noises, making yourselves as big and loud as possible, hoping the bear gets scared.
3.) You give Timmy a dead leg, throw him to the ground and jump into the stream. After all once you get home and regale the wife in the story, she will be so pleased to see you that you are gonna have a child again within 9 months.

You could even call him Timmy.

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