White Dog Poo

I'm a child of the 80s, albeit the latter part. I was born in 1985. And here's a new nostalgia feature.

Theres certain things about being born in the 80s that is a testament to the world at large, and even in your own little world. The Cold War ended, the Challenger exploded, Live Aid happened and the Berlin Wall fell to name a few.


But what i remember from the 80s is white dog poo. Might have been because i had a dog too but it was everywhere. Some small dose of smelly nostalgia i know, but still it defines growing up, for me anyway, as a child of the 80s.

Now there is a real reason why the dog poo turned white, and why you no longer see it. Both are rubbish and you can find out for yourself. All i know is that white dog poo is synonymous with growing up. To avoiding it when walking and to watching normal dog poo change colour over the course of a few days in the height of summer. Memories of my dog Meg come to mind, good Lil thing she was, and various excursions to the river as a child.

It's a shame that the only things children of the 90s/00s will have to look back on is Teletubbies and Dick & Dom....

The Five Stages of Tring

The Five Stages of Tring is a phenomenon that occurs at any festival gathering, or to be fair any instance where a tent is involved.
It occurs generally after a long day of walking around, lots of alcohol and other such things. Below I shall take you through, step by step, the wonder of The Five Stages of Tring.

The First Stage

The first stage is when you wake up in a tent, your fully aware of where you are. Your tired, and its very warm. You throw off your sleeping bag and use it to get comfortable. You manage to fall in and out of sleep for the next hour or so.

The Second Stage

The second stage occurs after you have failed to get any sense of sleep. Its getting hotter and stuffier in your tent. The smell of smoke from the nights bonfire lingers in your tent, on your clothes and in your hair. Almost suffocating with the smell you open the tent. This allows some fresh air and enables you to drift back to sleep now that the warm air has left.

The Third Stage

The third stage is a comical one. After getting some actual sleep you feel like interacting with the other campers you are with. You crawl to the front of your tent and set up a nest. With your bag or sleeping used as a pillow you rest while talking with your friends. However in your state you fall back asleep. Half in your tent where it is still warm and half outside where its cool and breezy.

The Fourth Stage

Your almost there now. The fourth stage is a small one. This is when everyone is staring at you and wondering why you aren't up yet. Why are you still wanting to sleep when its sunny and everyone is enjoying themselves. So guilt tripped into getting out you retreat back into your tent to get changed.

The Fifth Stage

And your now a semi functioning member of society once again. The fifth stage is you now out of your tent and sat on a stool,chair or on the floor. You are now ready for the first sip of lager and to start planning your day. Be it seeing bands or going for a hike.

There we go. The five stages of Tring. If you see anyone exhibiting any of the signs, just let them play it out, they'll soon be with you.

NB: The Five Stages of Tring isn't scientifically proven. So if your friend hasn't moved from, lets say, stage 3. Then maybe intervene.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

The year has come again where the massive droves of teens with their parents cash descend onto Reading, for Reading Festival has announced its lineup. At the moment the phones are clogged, the Internet is clogged and at this precise moment in time, the entrance to HMV in the Oracle is clogged.


Now if you've seen my Festival reviews and what not you will know that I'm a fan of the festival. I love the atmosphere, the music, the people and the five stages of Tring.

All in all, the picture at the top (of my friend Ed) encapsulates all that Reading Festival is. Notice he has a bottle opener on a necklace. He is covered in mud. Its late. But look at that face. He is having the best time in the world. THAT is Reading Festival. Queueing up for 24hrs outside a music shop isn't. Queueing on the phone/Internet for 4hrs is not. And paying extortionate amounts on websites like Viagogo or eBay is not.

Word of warning kids. The cost should be around £180 give or take service fee. If your paying £200+ you need your head sorted. Reading Festival is not the best in the world. It used to be. But look at European festivals for a change. If your parents are willing to send you to Reading Festival, I'm pretty sure they'd send you to Germany, Spain, Italy, Holland, or any other festival in England...

I've seen a lot of shit happening at Reading. Stupid drug,drink and boredom fuelled shit. And I've never been to a festival that's so irresponsibly run. The stewards are nice and friendly, the Security are heavy handed. They turn the music off around 12pm due to the noise, and the tents that stay open 'later' have the music on low. The only entertainment for you after midnight is taking 2 hours to walk to your tent, drinking lots and going walkabout to see what is happening in the festival camp grounds. More often than not its people burning everything/anything in sight and general violence.

The violence isn't aimed at anyone, its just boredom. Because there is a silent disco or a pikey fun fair to amuse 70,000 people.

Its stupid.

Still one of the best festivals i have been to. That's largely made up from the people I'm with. One of which is covered in, hopefully, mud in the aforementioned picture.

If you get tickets, enjoy and be safe, the lineups not too bad. If not, then don't pay too much!

Not sure what my ramblings are about. Confusion. Irritation. The longing for a ticket?

What I'm

What I'm Listening To:

Gorillaz - Plastic Beach
White Stripes - White Blood Cells
The XX - The XX

What I'm Reading:

Marvel Secret Invasion
Dark Reign

What I'm Watching:

Kill Bill Vol 1
A League of Their Own ( The James Corden game show, not the baseball movie with Gena Davies and Tom Hanks, though it is a good film)

Tales of a Drunkard: The Prequel

So following the odd pint of alcohol over the past week and a bit i decided to venture out on a proper night out of sorts. Gathered a few people and hit a wetherspoons for some cheap strong cider. For some reason they were checking the ID of everyone coming in, which unfortunately for Ed meant he couldn't come in. So we met them at the Turtle for a continuation of drinking.
Sat down at a table drinking snakebite is pretty much all i want to do on a night out. Chatting bollocks about, well, bollocks. Not in the literal meaning, we didn't talk about male genitalia, but the conversation came close at times. One of our friends got cracked onto by a guy, that pretty much set the next hour of conversation.

The night went well, had a few walks round to see what was going on and finally settled at the Table Football by the front of the pub. Had a few games between ourselves, then joined by a girl named Shaz or Gee and her friend Alex. She was quite cute but had recently been dumped over the phone, and previously over Facebook and then text... Really? Do some guys just not have any balls/decorum?

We also played a couple of people that appeared good, they had a couple of good tactics to playing table football. While Geordie and mark were playing i sparked up a conversation with some people sat near us, as you do when your drunk and people look bored. Though with such witty remarks like "Your opinion means shit to me" i realised my efforts were wasted in conversing with him. Apparently having long hair, baggy jeans and wearing black automatically makes you better than everyone else and you can be a dick to everyone.
So to that guy, fuck you. You ruined what was an average night out. Thanks. Twat.

So my first real foray into drinking in Reading was by and large a success. Though again it just reiterates the fact that a small portion of the world become cunts when drunk.


I'm still not 'officially' drinking again, i mean i havent visited the Murco yet.

BBC Introducing Dead Legs & Kill it Kid

Well let me say i rarely gush with excitement over a band but two bands tonight just blew my socks off. Firstly Dead Legs performed some balls out deep and dirty rock that shook you to the bone. With the deep husky and raw sound from Harriet Rock, the trio blasted through a set of short, sharp shocks that left you wanting more but also running for cover. I regret not knowing of them before tonight, but i surely won't be forgetting them anytime soon. I really need to start remembering what songs they play so i can tell you which ones were amazing, but to be fair the whole set was really good. I implore you to check them out at their next gig, either in Bristol or on May 1st at Plug N Play in Reading.

The second band to come on were Kill it Kid. A band that, in true blues style, must have gone to the crossroads and struck a deal with the devil. The 5 piece from Bath have a nice blend of Blues and Americana Rock that meld so well that you just want them to keep on playing. Ranging from the soulful violin driven songs to the piano hammering ones, this is a band that have the sound to hit it big, well they already have. On their last song one of Chris Turpins guitar strings decided to inconveniently break, and with style and pure tenacity, continued to play furiously without a care. If any of you out there are off to South by Southwest next week then i wholeheartedly suggest you find the time to go to the Driskill Hotel on the 18th March and/or the Raddison Hotel & Suites on the 20th March.

On the basis of the last few BBC Introducing nights at the Oakford, I'm surprised at the poor turnout for some of the fantastic bands that are playing there at the moment.

Next week we have my friend 13D, aka Graeme, playing with his band. A heady mix of blues/punk/rock/hip hop. Really looking forward to listening to him live, as the last time was last year at some point, if not the year before.

March off the plank

Well three months is good, right? RIGHT? My endeavour to go without drinking alcohol for 6 months came to a brief stutter this past week. Firstly i went to a funeral and at the wake i had a few drinks in memoriam. 3 Guinness and one double jamesons and coke. Which oddly went down a little too easy for 3 months no alcohol. That would have been a one off just for the wake but then i agreed to go into Reading on Saturday for a friends birthday.

Now usually I'm fine with others drinking but the way it worked out we had two tables of friends and i made the mistake of sitting slap bam in the middle of the two. Which ordinarily wouldn't be too bad but i was sat staring at Gordon Brown in the middle east and the story on James Bulgers killers. So all in all enough to make anyone drink.
I decided to bail out early and on the way home stop into another bar and see a friend. While waiting with her to buy a drink it popped into my head.... Why the fuck would i not drink?

The main reasons were to lose weight and to gain money, and who wouldn't want those two things? Though at what cost? I love going out and having random encounters with people, sometimes continuing to know them for awhile, sometimes they are just a figment of a night out on the tiles.

This is why i had a few ciders, and a snakebite, tequila and a double Johnny Walkers and coke. And surprisingly i had an amazing time, met some girls, chatted and got a phone number from one of them as she was really fun to talk to. Married/engaged though but people are people, doesn't matter if they are married or whatever, as long as you get on with other people.

So yeah, I'm not officially back on the alcohol but I'm also not being sober. I think I'll drink in moderation till June, when it suits me. And then come June I'll be more inclined to drink.

Till then drink lots, meet lots of people and above all. Have fun.