Woah, it has been nearly a year since i bothered to put pen to paper finger to keyboard and i don't know where to start with this year. Do i bother with a recap of which is just drunken highlights, much akin to something on Harry Hills TV Burp or You've Been Framed.

So little has happened, and even less that has been 'blog' worthy. Many drunken nights out, many drug fuelled nights out (Well less than should have been). Lets see, i have forgone my need for tattoos by stretching my ears, I've moved out with some of my friends, i have started work with a company that does Certification Tests with the Xbox one but ultimately I'm in the same place i was last year. Different job, different people, same woes.

Stand out this year, well my friends Roy and Steve got married (Not to each other, they had separate weddings), heart was broken, went camping, fell off my bike again (this time with CCTV footage). Met some amazing people, lost some amazing people (Not through dying, i just don't speak to them much anymore, or i just don't speak to them) i think that's about it? Not an exciting year, i mean there have been days/nights that have been stand out but i don't remember them either through drink/drugs/old age.

It is getting closer to my Advent season so i think i might try and keep up with that for the month but being that i can't really talk about what i do at work means it's going to be less interesting than a Dr Who special hosted by Zoe Ball on BBC Three.

This weekend will probably herald the return of my Tales of Drunkard series of posts and i might continue up the posts of random drunken nights out, but they seem to be less drunken and more well drunken but with people i know rather than the random people of Reading. So I'm not sure if that counts anymore.

I'm guessing that's it. Not that there is anything left to tell you, like i said nothing much has happened this year.
I better get ready for Advent! Shit why did i start writing again now.

Bilbao BBK Live 2010

This year i embarked on another long arduous journey to Spain for the Bilbao BBK Live festival. This time i swapped friends and took my friend Mark. We set off from Reading around 1pm with a Subway in hand and a couple of Fosters too. Got to Portsmouth and headed to the Trafalgar wetherspoons to continue the drinking while we waited for the ferry boarding time. We then decided to take a walk and unfortunately we walked about 2miles with our backpacks, for which we didn't need to at all. Sat watching the Netherlands game in the ferry terminal while playing shithead. Once boarded we showered, changed and hit the top deck while we left the port. Started drinking and playing shithead while watching the P&O Players perform.

Due to the ferry crossing time we were at sea for a whole day so we just bought a crate of Fosters and sat on the top deck sunning ourselves and listening to music on speakers. Was nice and chilled though i got horrific sunburn on my arms (the burn turned purple at one point). The ferry was pretty much just us drinking and playing cards. We did get a chance this time to see some Dolphins and i got a picture or two of them.

We got to Bilbao at about 8am and made our way into Bilbao. We got to San Mames and waited for the coach which wasn't too bad as the queue was short. We managed to get up to the festival quite easily and went to the second campsite. Last year we camped in the car park as that's all we thought was available. So we opted for the campsite that had trees, giving us a bit of shade from the heat. I was right in that part. However after all my toil and slaving my tent was at a 45 degree angle and the ground felt like cows had been walking over it for months.

Bands didn't start till around 5pm so most of the day was spent in the sun drinking and playing shithead. I won't go into each band but we saw the following over three days:

Bullet for My Valentine
Skunk Anansie
Slayer
Anti-Flag
Rise Against
Rammstein
Gomez
Coheed and Cambria
Dropkick Murphys
Biffy Cylro
Gogol Bordello
Alice in Chains
Pearl Jam
The Macabees
Feeder
Los Campesinos
The Soundtrack of our Lives and
Manic Street Preacher

Out of all those bands i think Rammstein where the best due to the show they put on, for me Gogol Bordello were amazing and i dance my arse off. Dropkick Murphys, Los Campesinos and Gomez were bands i hadn't heard before and were amazed by their sets too.

On the Friday me and Mark walked to Bilbao city center to have a look at the Guggenheim museum but was a little too pricey so didn't bother going in. Instead we took pictures of the outside and wandered around Bilbao before heading back to the festival. Most of the nights were relatively problem free but on Friday it got a little worse for wear.
We had spent all day drinking warm beer then polished off half a bottle of Jaegermeister and 1/3 a large bottle of Vodka. This kind of made Gogol Bordello that little better and as i said previous i dance my arse off which i haven't done in a long long time. A fact that was reminded to me when my knee caps and feet started hurting a few hours later. After that we just sat on the hill over looking the festival and drank a few litres of cold San Miguel. Got chatting to some nice Australian girls and around midnight Mark turns to me, fear in his eyes, and says "I've got to go" and after a few questions of safety he proceeded down the hill and that was that. As much as we laughed and wondered why he had done that i said the exact same words about 30Min's later.

We had a conversation about how Spanish people smoke alot of hash. I didn't smell any weed at the festival just hash. As we were talking a Spanish guy overheard and gave us his joint to smoke, so i duly obliged and had a few tokes. This then sent me overboard and I'm reminded of what Heather (Australian Girl) said to me "Grass then beer, your in the clear. Beer then grass, your on your ass" which reminds me of the age old drinking rhyme "Beer then wine, you'll feel fine. Wine then Beer, you'll feel queer" Which has for many years guided me in my drinking. Anyway i digress.
I turned to Heather and said "I've got to go", though as long as i chatted i was fine. When there was a silence the music of Pearl Jam just sent me flying. Couldn't focus on anything and had to focus on something. I eventually said that i was going to toilet and i MAY be back. I walked to the top of the hill and bought a coke to try and 'sober' myself. After a while Heather came to find me and we walked to the second stage for Dropkick Murphys.

I had just about overcome myself and we watched Dropkicks, a band that i have never really heard but they were amazing! Really good and we got rather close, a little too close as my ears were fucked. We walked to the coach line as Heather had to get back to Bilbao but it was 3am and the queue was going to take about 1.5 hours so i offered my tent. The only problem being that having a tent at a 45 degree angle isn't the best for two people to sleep in. So cue a restless sleep trying to stop not only myself from falling down the hill but also her.

Due to the late night from me, and the early departure from Mark (He doesn't remember how or when he got back to the tent) meant that on the last day we took it easy. Don't think we even touched a litre of beer at all that day. We just sat around watching the music from the hill and just resting really. Saw some good bands that day. Met up with Heather briefly on the hill overlooking the festival and chilled. We had to get up stupidly early on the Sunday as our ferry back to Portsmouth so we left before Faith No More played but listened to them at the tents. We missed out on Jet which I'm sure would have been amazing but the early wake up etc meant we didn't.

Woke up early and were waiting at the Ferry port about 2hrs before we were meant to but we just sat and played shithead till boarding. The very [not so] friendly Spanish border polizia officers wouldn't stamp my passport as they only do it for kids. But i like stamps in my passport too. Reminds me that i have so much more of the world to see.

The trip back was quicker for some reason and again we just chilled and drank, watched the P&O players do their thing, watched everyone get way too over excited about the Dolphins. I swear they ran back and forth that much that they rocked the whole ferry. The only exciting thing we saw on the trip back was an American Nuclear Submarine leaving Portsmouth. Was pretty cool.

We got back to Reading about 7pm and made a quick dash to our respective homes then went to the Gym straight after, dedication eh?

All in all Bilbao BBK is a fantastic festival. Great surroundings and somehow a small festival that's only been going 5 years manages to get some amazing bands. The only things i have a problem with is the language barrier as its not entirely Spanish as its in the Basque country. But that's easily overcome. Can't wait to see what happens next year.

Until next time.

Buenas Noches

The Five Stages of Tring

The Five Stages of Tring is a phenomenon that occurs at any festival gathering, or to be fair any instance where a tent is involved.
It occurs generally after a long day of walking around, lots of alcohol and other such things. Below I shall take you through, step by step, the wonder of The Five Stages of Tring.

The First Stage

The first stage is when you wake up in a tent, your fully aware of where you are. Your tired, and its very warm. You throw off your sleeping bag and use it to get comfortable. You manage to fall in and out of sleep for the next hour or so.

The Second Stage

The second stage occurs after you have failed to get any sense of sleep. Its getting hotter and stuffier in your tent. The smell of smoke from the nights bonfire lingers in your tent, on your clothes and in your hair. Almost suffocating with the smell you open the tent. This allows some fresh air and enables you to drift back to sleep now that the warm air has left.

The Third Stage

The third stage is a comical one. After getting some actual sleep you feel like interacting with the other campers you are with. You crawl to the front of your tent and set up a nest. With your bag or sleeping used as a pillow you rest while talking with your friends. However in your state you fall back asleep. Half in your tent where it is still warm and half outside where its cool and breezy.

The Fourth Stage

Your almost there now. The fourth stage is a small one. This is when everyone is staring at you and wondering why you aren't up yet. Why are you still wanting to sleep when its sunny and everyone is enjoying themselves. So guilt tripped into getting out you retreat back into your tent to get changed.

The Fifth Stage

And your now a semi functioning member of society once again. The fifth stage is you now out of your tent and sat on a stool,chair or on the floor. You are now ready for the first sip of lager and to start planning your day. Be it seeing bands or going for a hike.

There we go. The five stages of Tring. If you see anyone exhibiting any of the signs, just let them play it out, they'll soon be with you.

NB: The Five Stages of Tring isn't scientifically proven. So if your friend hasn't moved from, lets say, stage 3. Then maybe intervene.

It's the most wonderful time of the year

The year has come again where the massive droves of teens with their parents cash descend onto Reading, for Reading Festival has announced its lineup. At the moment the phones are clogged, the Internet is clogged and at this precise moment in time, the entrance to HMV in the Oracle is clogged.


Now if you've seen my Festival reviews and what not you will know that I'm a fan of the festival. I love the atmosphere, the music, the people and the five stages of Tring.

All in all, the picture at the top (of my friend Ed) encapsulates all that Reading Festival is. Notice he has a bottle opener on a necklace. He is covered in mud. Its late. But look at that face. He is having the best time in the world. THAT is Reading Festival. Queueing up for 24hrs outside a music shop isn't. Queueing on the phone/Internet for 4hrs is not. And paying extortionate amounts on websites like Viagogo or eBay is not.

Word of warning kids. The cost should be around £180 give or take service fee. If your paying £200+ you need your head sorted. Reading Festival is not the best in the world. It used to be. But look at European festivals for a change. If your parents are willing to send you to Reading Festival, I'm pretty sure they'd send you to Germany, Spain, Italy, Holland, or any other festival in England...

I've seen a lot of shit happening at Reading. Stupid drug,drink and boredom fuelled shit. And I've never been to a festival that's so irresponsibly run. The stewards are nice and friendly, the Security are heavy handed. They turn the music off around 12pm due to the noise, and the tents that stay open 'later' have the music on low. The only entertainment for you after midnight is taking 2 hours to walk to your tent, drinking lots and going walkabout to see what is happening in the festival camp grounds. More often than not its people burning everything/anything in sight and general violence.

The violence isn't aimed at anyone, its just boredom. Because there is a silent disco or a pikey fun fair to amuse 70,000 people.

Its stupid.

Still one of the best festivals i have been to. That's largely made up from the people I'm with. One of which is covered in, hopefully, mud in the aforementioned picture.

If you get tickets, enjoy and be safe, the lineups not too bad. If not, then don't pay too much!

Not sure what my ramblings are about. Confusion. Irritation. The longing for a ticket?

Festival Season

As Reading Festival draws ever closer you'd think, given my past posts, that i would be getting ready to endure another weekend of carnage, music and fire. But alas this will be my first year in the past six that i haven't gone to the Festival. Not sure if that's a good thing, as it gets to be quite an expensive weekend, or if i will regret not going. Its become a bit of a tradition to go to Reading Festival as it is only just down the road. Am i becoming older and therefore the appeal of festivals waining? Hell no, its just the festivals these days, in particular Reading Festival, is full of kiddies running around like morons burning the shit out of everything. There used to be a kind of etiquette to the carnage. The game of trolley would start, security would take said trolley. Then we steal it back. It was a game of cat and mouse, and when we got bored we burnt things.

Festivals in England need help. They are starting to overprice these events. For the same price as a weekend camping ticket to Reading Festival you could go to Spain/Holland/Germany/France/Italy/Hungary and Serbia for some of the best festival line ups in recent years. But people don't. And i have no idea why. I love festivals in mainland Europe. They are cleaner, friendlier and have the same lineups, if not better at times.

Festival goers of England. Open your eyes to European festivals. Trust me you won't regret it.

Tales of a drunkard Pt 5

The outdoors. Tranquil; Clean; Calming. And now forever marked with our presence. Our little adventure took us to the New Forest, a large expanse of land that is part camping sites/ part nature reserve. Most of the area animals are free to roam the streets, the parks, the camps and on occasion the driveways and gardens of houses. Why, well I'm sure theres a reason horses and the like feel the need to eat Mrs Smiths carnations, but that's something for you to find out yourself.


The drive down started with a convoy meet-up at Green Park, to which i made a joke about some old guy running down the road, and as we passed him, it turned out to be Mr Reading himself (John Madejski). Once we had our respective cars all packed we took to the roads to get to the camp site, stopping off for some coffee and nostalgia (coin + my nose + blood = every ones laughter). We got to the campsite around midday which was good, and despite a little parenting from the camper guides (Quiet by 11pm, don't have wood fires, don't ride the horses) we found a spot with enough room for 6 tents and a gazebo. Set up and started drinking.

At first it pissed down, hard, and we had to do some modification to the gazebo when one of the legs buckled, cue duct tape and branches. Aside from the first bit of rain it was glorious sun for the remainder of the trip. Me and a couple of mates trekked into the Forest to have a look, and the old game of smash a stick on a tree ensued. It was fun. And afterwards a nice night fuelled of Westons boxed Cider (lovely) and Heineken mini keg (not so great) began.

Sat was a day of sitting around getting sun burnt, trekking through the Forest in any direction, then a game of Manhunt and Capture the Flag [Hat]. Thoroughly enjoyed both and was a highlight of the trip. Saturday we had Chinese takeaway, not exactly camping food, but you make your own camping experience. Some people go into the wilderness to find themselves and forget the hustle and bustle of the city life, bills and Angel delight. But we had something else to do, we had boxed cider, team showers and an all round decedent camping experience.

You may have noticed i said team showers, allow me to elaborate. The camping showers were amazing, one button you press to turn the water on (much like taps) and it was instant bliss. The right temperature, every time. So 4 of us took a shower with the cubicles next to each other, and usually you try to make as little noise as possible since its a pretty solitary experience, much like going to the toilet, but we had fun, joking and whistling the theme to Jurassic Park.

Sunday was a day of minor walking, still getting sun burnt and a trip to the nearest village for a pub lunch, and for some a trip to Beauliu, a classic car museum with a Top Gear attraction, Monorail and James Bond cars. The rest of us however went back to camp and drank. The whole trip was just an excuse to chill out, have fun with friends and just forget about things for awhile. We saw shooting stars, Jupiter was seen many a time, and talk occasionally went a little deeper than expected considering the amount of alcohol being consumed.


I think we all came away from it with a sense of enjoyment, mild sunburn and most probably a lot more damage to our livers.

So a success then. Roll on the next camping trip