Woah, it has been nearly a year since i bothered to put pen to paper finger to keyboard and i don't know where to start with this year. Do i bother with a recap of which is just drunken highlights, much akin to something on Harry Hills TV Burp or You've Been Framed.

So little has happened, and even less that has been 'blog' worthy. Many drunken nights out, many drug fuelled nights out (Well less than should have been). Lets see, i have forgone my need for tattoos by stretching my ears, I've moved out with some of my friends, i have started work with a company that does Certification Tests with the Xbox one but ultimately I'm in the same place i was last year. Different job, different people, same woes.

Stand out this year, well my friends Roy and Steve got married (Not to each other, they had separate weddings), heart was broken, went camping, fell off my bike again (this time with CCTV footage). Met some amazing people, lost some amazing people (Not through dying, i just don't speak to them much anymore, or i just don't speak to them) i think that's about it? Not an exciting year, i mean there have been days/nights that have been stand out but i don't remember them either through drink/drugs/old age.

It is getting closer to my Advent season so i think i might try and keep up with that for the month but being that i can't really talk about what i do at work means it's going to be less interesting than a Dr Who special hosted by Zoe Ball on BBC Three.

This weekend will probably herald the return of my Tales of Drunkard series of posts and i might continue up the posts of random drunken nights out, but they seem to be less drunken and more well drunken but with people i know rather than the random people of Reading. So I'm not sure if that counts anymore.

I'm guessing that's it. Not that there is anything left to tell you, like i said nothing much has happened this year.
I better get ready for Advent! Shit why did i start writing again now.

Tales of a Drunkard: Year in review

Well considering i have only written one thing this year (Not counting the current Advent series) i thought a year in review would be good. Both for anyone reading and wondering what i have been up to (No one) and myself to just recap.

So in January i became the manager of the Go Kart track i worked at, spent alot of time at Sahara drinking and house parties. February was the month of snow, shit loads of it. February also bought weird dreams, lots of drinking and discovering Mixcloud.
March was a Skyrim month, which i should start playing again, that's all March had for me other than drinking at Sahara, learning about El Dorado rum and hiring staff from nights out drinking.
April, Spring. Such a time for things to come. Also fuck you April. The beginning was good, i saw my first Wall of Death at a Steam Fair and then my faithful Mongoose Crossway bike broke, broker harder than a broke broker. So i bought myself a fancy new Fixed gear bike, a Mongoose Maurice. Nice black and orange thing going on. It was also a night out with some friends for some cocktails and general drinking. All was going swimmingly. I went and got the bike on the train, came back and was a bit wobbly with a fixed gear as i had never ridden one before, managed home and back into town.

Then we started drinking. Which is where the fun began i suppose. We left and i walked my friend home then i made a stupid mistake of getting on my bike and cycling off rather than not. Worst decision i have ever made as i got about 1/4 of the way home and came off my bike. Blacked out when i hit the road and a passer by picked me up and helped me to the side. Nothing really hurt but i was bleeding from my head and cut my jeans and fucked my leg up. Oh and part of my shoulder was sticking out. Went to hospital and had a month off work, well about 6 weeks really. Couldn't walk that well for a few weeks.
My shoulder is still fucked, I'm pretty sure i tore the Coracoclavicular ligament. I might be wrong but it is that one. Common with rugby injuries and Freddie Flintoff had the same ligament damage i had, probably through drinking too!

So that was my April, it was spent on the sofa, watching TV, my laptop broke and i got shit all money from work. My bike was fucked but that was easily repaired. I was in that range where i didn't need surgery if it wasn't totally necessary. I spent most of April just hanging out and drinking, as walking into town wasn't too bad in a sling.

May brought 2ManyDjs, Real Ale festival and Simon Amstell. All in all was a good month of nights out. And that was May done really all while having lots of painkillers and a sling.
June was my birthday. Not the whole month, I'm not greedy like the queen having multiple birthdays, just the beginning of June. The 6th for future reference. I got some handlebars and a brake lever from a mate which is good as i fucked mine up when i fell off. Saw Promethues, not all that, realised that letting friends ride your bikes will end up with broken bikes (Thanks Lee and Ed).

Then that's it really. The rest of the year has been so-so. I got a cool Icarus tattoo on my left arm, half a sleeve, and got a Zombie hand holding a NES controller on my right bicep. I have been out drinking alot, i went to Bruges and met some cool people. Met up with some of them in London and spent a day and night having fun. I went to the Paralympics and spent some time in Hyde Park watching the Olympics on the big screens.
I went to Rumfest for the first time and was amazed by so many Rums, i was the best man to my friends wedding which was a very good day and night and honoured to be part of their day. Although i didn't get to go to any festivals this year i did get to go see Ugly Duckling, Frank Turner and coming up this Friday is Phillip Glass which i'm looking so forward to.

That's about it for the year, fun, exciting, sad, expensive, broken and regretful. 

There is only less than a month left, but not sure where it will go. Christmas is looming and New Years soon, hoping both will be great.
Hmm i didn't really do much this year.

Advent: Dec 7th

After a few shorts hours of sleep [4] i was up and cycling in the dead of morning to get to work for 6:30am for a conference booked into the track. Safe to say it was a long ass day and we decided to take it in our stride. Eating the bacon and sausage sarnies provided, coffee and sitting in a comfy chair by the heater watching the pissing rain happening outside. 

Long story short, lots of GPs were ran and were very fun for the most part, nice customers. I was, however, thankful to get the fuck outta there and get some sleep. This was of course not going to happen as the same colleagues that were out on Wed also wanted to go out tonight. I was having none of it, my opinion was however changed by the fact the drinks were being paid for by someone else.

It just happened to be my friends first DJ gig at the bar on the bridge in caversham and was a reunion of sorts which was a cheeky bonus. Ben was pretty damn good on the decks and after we ventured back into town. There was a private function at Deja Vu, DJs, Monroe Bar so we just went to Pavs for some cheeky drinks. Which of course were bought by someone else.

I have this rule when it comes to other peoples generosity. You drink whatever they buy you, or whatever they drink. So the first one was Archers and Lemonade and a shot of Tequila on the side. Not a bad start. I did buy some drinks, wine, Patron tequila and beer, I'm not going to spend all of someones money on myself. 

After a game of table football ( i won) and two games of pool ( i also won) we went to Turtle for some more drinks and whatever the night had in store.

Which was more drinks. Some rubbish dancing and more drinks. Bumped into a few people i hadn't seen for awhile which is always good on a night out. By the time we left at 4am it was pretty cold so the three of us left huddled together like Penguins. I don't see why people are so adverse to huddling with others for warmth, because the other people standing outside wouldn't join. Well one man did, he was alright but walked off in search of a taxi.

Another drunken cycle home and remembering that i had work at 9am the next morning wasn't a nice thought to have.

Advent: Dec 19th

Woke up and the plan was for drinks in town, well impromptu drinks in town. My parents took me to get my Christmas present as i didn't really want anything for Christmas. I generally hold the ideas that if, as an adult with an income, you want something then you can buy it. Yes extravagant purchases, like at Christmas, you generally don't spend on yourself but still, if you want that game/clothes/dvd then buy it with your hard earned cash.

So i asked for nothing, and got something pretty cool. That done and paid for i made my way into town and headed to Sahara for a few cocktails, a few got worse when i set up a tab and as each friend came i bought a cocktail for them. Quite costly though it was, i like spending my money on friends. We all sat around talking to each other and the staff as our friend was working. Paid of the tab, which was £53 and then also bought two tickets for the New Years Eve party they are having there. I try not to plan New Years as it's usually a let down, like most nights out really. So we went with it and now I'm going there. 

We left for Pavs and sat outside drinking and chatting but we left fairly early and even missed out on the usual trip to Turtle. I did have time to completely whoop Lee at table football.

Tales of a Drunkard: Learning

Last night i went to Sahara in Reading for their EDS (Educated Drinkers of Sahara) night. The idea of the EDS is for the members to become educated about the drinks they provide. Which for this Drunkard is a nice respite from just necking drinks for the sake of it. This meeting was the year anniversary for the EDS so was special for them and the drink of choice was Tapatio Tequila. Along with the different Tequilas was a history lesson from Duncan, from Speciality Brands which was amazing. I had no idea where Tequila came from, where it was made and the different types of Tequila, so for me was a nice eye opener into a spirit which is usually just necked on a night out. So the presentation about this family owned distillery was informative and funny and with the tasting afterwards meant you were more appreciative of the drink.


The tasting of the spirit was akin to wine tasting. Little measures were poured into a wine glass, you let it breath then put your nose to it to pick out the different aromas. Then the tasting. The first glass was the Blanco  which was very spicy and very nice. A bit too spicy for me and this tequila is bottled a few weeks after its been made. The second glass was the Reposada which is aged for a few months and was a lot smoother to drink, not as peppery as the Blanco and was my favourite of the night. The third was the Anejo which again is aged at about 18months. This tequila was a little bit peppery than the Reposada but still smoother than the Blanco. There was a bit of a kick afterwards but again nice and smooth, which you could just sip all night.


They are the three Tequilas that Tapatio make, the fourth bottle and tequila we sampled was the Reservas de la Excelencia, the Family Reserve which was usually just available to drink at the distillery or in the local cafes/bars. Speciality Brands twisted their arms and managed to get bottles of it to sell. It has now been discontinued which made the drink that much nicer. It is aged for about 4 years but the one we had was aged for 7 years if i remember correctly and was so smooth. Not as spicy as the Blanco, smooth like the Reposada and full of flavour. By far the nicest Tequila i have ever had and will probably ever have.


As it was a birthday party of sorts there were party rings, chocolate fingers and hula hoops and marshmallows on offer and like someone said "Food fitting of a 3yr olds birthday". After thanking Duncan for an insight into the La Altena Distillery, which has been making Tequila for 70 years, we moved upstairs where Dan the manager made us some cocktails to enjoy and some made with the Tapatio tequila, we sipped, shared and enjoyed the company. Had a couple of birthday shots and i bought some rum daiquiris. Chatting to some of the people there we decided to get some drinks on the way home since we lived in the same direction so Hobgoblin for a nice pint of cider then a walk to Up the Junction for a nice beer. Always nice to meet new people and friendly ones at that. I got home about 11:30 after stopping off to take a couple of pictures in Palmer Park as it was really misty and looked amazing. Though both my DSLR and digital compact were out of battery so my trusty medium format camera was placed on the floor so who knows if it worked, might pop back there again.


So all in all a good educational drinking session was had. Can't wait for the next one.

Advent: Dec 5th

I woke up pretty hungover but couldn't get back to sleep at all. Kept drifting in and out but nothing substantial. Having Radio Two and Terry Wogan didn't help much. He has a nice voice but its not half annoying.
So got up about 2ish i think and made a breakfast consisting of egg on toast and a very large mug of tea. Didn't really get up to much, played with my ipod and watched TV, caught up on missed TV shows and flittered trhough the movie channels before getting ready to go out to our work Christmas party.
I was looking forward to it as Christmas parties are usually good. Usually. Last year we had ours in Wetherspoons.... Yeah cant get much worse. It was fun as there was lots of people, but it was a Wetherspoons. We were in the company of drunks, perverts and vagrants. Also there were people not on our table.
So this year was Las Iguanas which is a brilliant venue, really nice food and on Sundays and Mondays its two-for-one cocktails. Which is amazing. Though because work really don't like their employees they not only reduced how much they were giving us for a Christmas meal they also told us we have to pay for it first then they reimburse us in our wage slips... Now i know some companies don't pay for Christmas meals but that probably would have been better.
So due to that not many people wanted to come to the meal which meant there was only a few of us, so we didn't bother doing Secret Santa either.

Started round a friends and had a few drinks, played some Wii Party too to get in a good mood and it worked, was alot of fun.
Got to the meal and sat down and i promptly got on the cocktails to get into the festive mood however it didn't really work. Either the fact i was still tired from the night before or the fact i ate alot of good food, the cocktails didn't really do much.
I'm not going to say the meal was boring, the company was OK, but maybe i was expecting too much? Having had such a good night before and wanting something similar maybe that was too much to ask? A Meal with colleagues then a night on the town. Meh hopefully my last Christmas there anyway.
So that was pretty much that. I tried to get drunk, i failed and ended up tired. The night kind of fizzled out so we all went home. I walked home with a colleague and met a former workmate outside Mr Cod. Had a chat and went home.
Chatted on Facebook and had a night cap. Pretty unadventurous for a Christmas meal, but I'm looking forward to both Christmas Eve down the Bull and Boxing Day whatever i do. Oh and yes New Years Eve too.

Advent: Dec 4th

December Fourth started out pretty shit. Well it was a day off so a nice lay in was had. I cycled into town to source out a new coat for the nights outing but on my way my pedal came off. As in the entire crank arm fell off. I had only just left the house. So i had to walk into town pushing my bike, defeats the object of having a bike. On my way i stopped off to buy something from a guy down an alley, but realised i had lost the £20 from my back pocket. He looked at me weird and i left. So far I'm 2 for 2 on bad happenings.
Got to town and took my bike to Action Bikes to get them to put the crank arm back on, the week before i had trouble with my pedal (it hadn't been put on right by the guy) the person i spoke to, Rich, constantly told me it was my fault, i should check my bike routinely. Now I'm in the persuasion that if i spend £300 on a bike i expect it to work at least until the 6 week free checkup, not fall to pieces. The person that did the road check on my bike no longer works there, so when i asked "was it due to failure to sort bikes out" the guy just shrugged off that comment. So for all i know my bike wasn't put together properly the first time, and all these happenings are due to his failings.
Nevertheless i was charged £13 for the bike part and again was spoken to like i am a bike geek and i should 'bed in the crank with a tool like this"..... I ride a bike because its quicker than walking, no Lance Armstrong am i.

So now I'm 3 for 3. I put my bike in my friends bike shed at his flat and went about shopping for a coat. Christmas shopping is why I'm pretty harsh towards Christmas. Its filled with people walking around blindly shouting "I MUST BUY EVERYTHING EVER AND WRAP IT IN SPARKLY PAPER IN ORDER TO SHOW MY FAMILY I STILL LOVE THEM" Whatever happened to the notion of a zombie magician being born and doing good deeds like the guy from Kung Fu, who failed to resurrect might i add. Though before that asphyxiwank in the cupboard David Carradine could indeed have been compared to Jesus, well the Kung Fu Carradine not Kill Bill. He was a dick.
Anyway i digress.
Walking around just grates me. Especially when people in front of you just stop. Look at their shopping list, then move on. Do people not have a regard for others? How bout taking the Christmas blinkers off for a second?
Shopped round and the cheapest i could find a nice coat was £35 from Primark, everywhere else was like £76+ even TK Maxx.... I know.
Coat bought i then paid £45 for a pair of Jeans. This is why i don't shop. I could have easily got a nice pair like like £20.
Munched on a Egg baguette while sorting out the nights plans. Hopped home to get changed and prettify myself and headed to my friends flat for a pre drink drink.

I have to say i was looking quite good, though i made a risky attempt at styling my hair and gave myself a side parting. Yes i looked like a handsome version of Hitler, or a man sporting a comb over but i liked it for the beginning.
My friend had a mug with his face on printed at my shop for his tea habits at work but it smashed the other day. Luckily due to an error at the printers a duplicate was made so i wrapped it and gave it to him. It was like Christmas or something.
We had a few tins of Strongbow and chatted in depth about our enterprises that we are trying to make happen, interesting stuff from both of us.
We popped along to Pentahotel for a few drinks while we waited for the birthday girl. And may i say Pentahotel is a really nice place. Drinks are normal price for town but its very elegant inside, pool table, wii and really nice bar staff to boot so i thoroughly recommend going there as i hope ill be there soon again.
We had a table booked downstairs in Sahara so we started the cocktails quite early, bout 8pm and £8 cocktails may sound expensive, but they are lovely; full of alcohol and got me rather drunk rather quickly. It was like New Years all over again as i was pretty gone by half 9.
Lots of drinks and laughs were had and after alot of cocktails we trotted along to Sakura and danced it up. I don't think i brought a drink at all in there and we stayed for about 2 hours at least, if not longer. I just sipped other peoples drinks and just kept my alcohol levels topped.
I still don't like Sakura for a night out. Dogma is a good place, good music but its always full of kids and the dance floor bounces. It may be because i really cant dance, or that the place is shit, probably a factor of both.
A couple of friends came in to say hello, one sporting a very nice 60s style bob and leather jacket but didn't stay long. Saw a girl who works next door who after i said hello kind of ran away, left me feeling a little perplexed and worried I'd done something.

After Sakura we tried to go to Purple but the queue was massive so we had a Subway and decided what to do. Most went home so i went back to my friends new flat which was near my house anyway. Had a beer and chatted, had a look round and helped decide where to put things etc then i left about 3am and walked home. My new coat paid dividends as it was really warm and the hood comes all the way down.
Walked in, climbed into bed, turned on the radio and drifted off. I seeked a good night out and that was what i got.

I love my friends, very rarely do we not have fun in each others company.

Advent: Dec 1st

I'm going to try something, i might not fulfill it everyday but I'll try. Like many others i too have an Advent calender. Its a Dr Who one. I opened today and had a car.... Of which i though there was no correlation to Dr Who, according to my Dad Jon Pertwee had a Model T Ford in the TV Show.

Anyway i digress, the chocolates bad and has no meaning to Christmas.

For the next 31 days i am going to try my own advent thing. Every day i shall post what ever i have done, will do etc. Sort of opening a window into my life. No chocolates or crappy pictures. Just crappy insights and grammar. For this i shall google 'December First/Second/Third' with that exact wording and choose a picture from the first page. At the top is today's.

OK so there might be crappy pictures.

Today was a pretty ordinary day. Again i awoke to no snow and bitter coldness awaiting me. What made it worse is the shower is fucked. It doesn't have much pressure and it goes from hot, to boiling hot then freezing cold. Have to turn it off and on about 4 times this morning.
Cycle to work was so bloody cold. No frost but bloody cold. The past few days cycling i have noticed part of the Kennet has been frozen over. Quite funny seeing skid marks where ducks have landed on the ice. Nice way to start the day.

What else, er we had two new starters today. One is the fiance of one of the Team Leaders, nice girl but i am against any kind of family persons working together. Be it mum/dad/sister/wife etc. Its hard enough to leave your life problems at home when you go to work and vice versa. I've worked with my mum years ago and my brother too. Both pleasant but the whole work thing changes when its not just work colleagues/friends but family members. The other girl has worked for magazine publications, taking photos of bands etc and seems to know her stuff. I'm sure the harsh reality of working in retail will soon become aware, as it does to all of us.

There is an ongoing issue at work with the apparent 'open door policy'. I know the psychology behind it (A closed door isn't as inviting as an open door to customers) but when its December, Winter, and freezing outside or sometimes snowing then there is no reason whatsoever to keep a door open. Especially when the heaters rarely work and customers in the shop also complain. Its not the best environment to try and find a camera for someone when they are wearing gloves.

I think I'm winning the battle since the past few days the door has been open a short period. Small periods throughout the day, yes. Not all the time.
I have an idea to put some outdoor L.E.Ds on my bike, attach with cable ties. Should be a laugh, or i might look a prick. Either way ill be happy.

That's about it i suppose for my Advent: Day One.

I managed to get my brothers phone working, my Dell Streak phone is with o2 getting fixed i hope. It's weird, i haven't had a phone for two days and i have been edgy. I needed to converse, to text or twitter or email, and not being able to was really annoying, especially as it wasn't by choice.

Looking forward to this weekend. Friday is my friend Kat's birthday. So lots of happenings. Drinks at the weekend which will be messy, and i have really been looking forward to this. I need a good night out. Sunday is Christmas meal at Las Iguanas.

Now i know some people don't get Christmas parties at work, or at least the work do not pay for them. But ours does, which is the nice point i suppose. Every year we have been given on average £20 per head. Which is adequate for a nice meal. The first year i started work i had a Christmas hamper, it was amazing and i had only just joined. Then we got a 'Staff discount booklet', then every year since is special staff deals on cameras etc.
Anyway we booked Las Iguanas due to it being nearly £20 but now we are only getting £15 per head. The kicker? We have to pay for it ourselves, then send in an expense claim form (individually) then they give it back to us in our wages, probably in February.

Right well Home Alone is on TV now. Its on Sky Xmas.... a channel which shows Christmas movies i guess, then why the fuck is Starship Troopers on later..... Get it right at least.

Hope you enjoyed the first day of advent.

Alls well that.... No that doesnt make sense

So we near Christmas once again and the inevitable shit storm that is consumerism. Working in Retail has, as usual, quashed any sense of cheer i had in me. Working all over the holiday period and working late just kills me inside every day.

Other than the horror that is work i do have things to look forward to. This Friday is my good friend Kats 25th birthday and with that LOADS of drinking opportunities which, having had no money for the past week, i am looking forward to so much. Not only that but my work Christmas party is on Sunday which offers more fun times at Las Iguanas and 2-4-1 cocktails.

Then we have Boxing Day and New Years Day. Boxing Day for me used to be sitting at a relatives house watching crap TV or attempting to join in with the adults and their Trivial Pursuit game. But now it involves as many friends all coming together to have a fun day chilling with one another and watching films, playing games and just enjoying each others company.

All this leads to one big question i am asking myself.....

Do i give up drinking again next year?

And i still don't know. On one hand i did enjoy giving up. Testing myself to see if i have enough willpower to forgo the calls of alcohol and just enjoy myself otherwise. I was healthier, financially better off and felt good.
On the other hand i wasn't myself. I wasn't good company if we went out, i didn't have many adventures or random nights out and very rarely stayed out at all.

Yes there are drugs to compensate the alcohol but that's not always the answer now is it.

Yes i know its trivial but to me it matters a lot. I love my nights out and my friends and part of that is drinking. I miss peoples birthday nights out, random nights out, BBC Introducing and St Patricks Day too.



Watch this space.

Tales of a Drunkard: No Sweat Fest

When my friend Tom usually says "Hey I'm going to a squat party, you should come" I usually envision a dark and dingy building with lots of drug addled protesters and hippies. I was pleasantly surprised.
We started off in Reading at the Allied Arms having a quick drink before we headed to the train station to get some drinking beers and food. On the train to London we chatted, I took pictures and general tomfoolery.
The squat was in Hackney so a bit of a trek from Reading, but a tube here and a bus there we got there. The reason for the bus was the tube was being its usual crappy self, only problem with the bus was Arsenal had just won 6-0 and was letting out time when came past. We got to Hackney around 7pm, fashionably late i know, and the place was amazing. Like an old theater it loomed at an awkward angle.
A lot of people were already outside, sitting in a boat, on the floor or standing around chatting. We paid the £5 donation then went to get some beer from Iceland. Apparently me carrying in two 4 litre bottles of Ye Olde English wasn't the thing to do so i settled with 4 cans of strongbow to start with.

We sat around chatting to random people and some of Toms friends came and chatted to them. The music was from 2pm onwards and we caught a few of them, mainly Punk with some ska-punk too.
There was one band that was pretty good, after a few songs the singer would read some of his poems. One went "What kind of man are you, who rubs his elbows against mine on the tube. Must be a poof" Then 10 seconds into his song a guy ran out of nowhere, jumped on stage, lamped him and grabbed the Mic stand trying to hit the guy. The singer grabbed his bass to try and defend but the crowd divided them.
Apparently the singer has a history of saying homophobic or sexist remarks. Shame as it was a good band up until that point. Ah well. Punks eh?

I don't remember how or when, partly due to drugs and or alcohol, but i sat down talking to some people, Ann, Angela and Caroline. Good chats about life and such, probably the drugs, but at one point Angela was helping this guy Morgan who was absolutely battered. We got him some water and Angela went to find Thelma, a sexy secretary looking polish girl who was his girlfriend. She couldn't so i tried, failed but helped him inside so he could pass out somewhere.
Hours passed, drinks were drunk, chats were had and dancing was done. Yes theres probably photographic evidence of me skanking it up but it was fun.
It got to about 2.30am and i started chatting to a girl called Lisa about Pokemon, Stargate and other such nonsensical wonderment that long nights of drinking bring forth. Which was a nice end to the night.

Tom was talking about an after party in a warehouse but at time of leaving the squat, 3ish? There was no word. Morgan appeared out of nowhere and said he was going to a party so i left Tom, Anders and the others to head back to Paddington, while i stayed with Morgan. Outside he was chatting with some guys and i asked him for directions back to Paddington, he gave them to me but as i helped him when he was drunk he wasn't going to let me wander the streets of Hackney alone. Which was good because i had about £800 worth of stuff on me.

We walked through Hackney sharing a bottle of rum and coke when he laid the bomb on me that he had nowhere to go as he was Homeless. We continued chatting, about himself and how he came to be on the streets. Unfortunately he was a victim of circumstance. Foster homes, run ins with police etc, I'll leave alot of that discussion out.
He came to London from Ireland about 10yrs ago but again circumstances meant he was on and off the streets. We sat around talking for hours. He met a couple in the off license and they came and we all sat around chatting till the sun came up. He is actually a graphic designer and currently has two websites up and running, he uses free WiFi to update etc. He was a really nice guy, and now a friend on Facebook, hopefully I'll see him at some point again.
It got to that point where i had to find my way back to paddington otherwise i would just curl up in a ball and pass out. I said my goodbyes and jumped on a bus that said 'Via Kings Cross' as i vaugley knew where that was.

OK due to me endlessly twittering to keep me amused during my journey it helps piece together things. Apparently i left the squat at 3:54am with Morgan and we chatted till 6:44am which is when i got on the bus to nowhere. Due to that nice bus trip it meant i was back in Hackney about 7:30am because i went to McDonald's to get some breakfast. Now i have only had 1 McDonald's in about 4 years and that was on New Years Eve.
After walking a while some guy called Gary proceeded to tell me that he 'Doesn't drink or do drugs but needed some money for a hot chocolate" I ended up getting a tube from Highbury and getting to Paddington at 9:29am. So it took me 3hrs of walking and the such to get me about 8miles, impressive display of idiocy.

I think my experience of Hackney is summed up by this tweet

"I cant seem to escape hackney. Ive walked in every sodding direction and taken a bus yet I'm still in fucking hackney"

Not having much money i was pleased to see the gates in London were open and if i had any trouble in Reading i would just say i came from Twyford. As soon as the train left Paddington i must have sparked out in the vestibule because i woke up as we just pulled into Reading. I then remembered i sodding cycled to Reading so had a 4mile bike ride home. Slowest bike ride ever. I walked into my home around 10am, and fell asleep till 4pm. Then went to a friends from 8pm - 2am. No point wasting a day in bed :)

All in all i had an amazing time in London. The squat party was brilliant and was for a good cause so check out the website No Sweat. The people i chatted to were amazing and I even enjoyed the walk home.

I think that's about it, unfortunately this probably doesn't seem that good, but to me it was a fun evening and I'm sure some of it has been lost in translation.

Tales of a Drunkard: Politics, Alcohol and RPGs

Wednesday was, as fast becoming a tradition, Oakford night. More live music courtesy of BBC Introducing. However it was just two of us this time, myself and Geordie who you might remember turfed out 3 old ladies when we went to Stoke.

Unfortunately they were all out of cider and I had to buy a bottle, which ended up costing £5.... So we just sat outside, listened to a band and decided on a night out. Our friend Ed was in town with a guy named Pavil who was over from Czech for a holiday to see Ed and his friends. The plan was to go to Hope Tap for a drink, then Pavs then meet them in the turtle. So we hot footed it to the Hope Tap and sat down talking about Religion, Mythology, Politics, Gaming and Photography. Not your usual topic. We went to Pavs, had a pint and played the hunting game to which I lost.

Turtle was next and, as always is last on the menu, we found Ed and the Czech contingent and hurriedly got drinks and played table football. I saw a really attractive girl with blue hair that works in Las Iguanas so made Geordie talk to one of the guys he knows so we could go talk to them. We got talking to them and had a laugh, at one point I touched a mans nipple, then when he dropped a chip I ate a cheesy chip off his hairy chest. As you can see the night was going well.

We somehow got talking to two squaddies who were on R&R from being posted in Cyprus and having been outside Helmand for awhile. Cue talking about politics (briefly) and having shrapnel wounds shown to us (RPG hit one of them and the other guy pulled him out of the way of fire), I decided to buy them, and ourselves, drinks. Sat around chatting to them about everything really and then suddenly the lights come up and it's kicking out time. They wanted to go elsewhere but due to it being a Wednesday, everywhere was shut. Everywhere apart from the Casino.

A short walk later and we were in the casino and bought another round for us all. Started drinking and playing Blackjack, which is a game I don't usually play but have found a love for it. Again we just sat around talking and drinking and before we knew it they were kicking out too. That was about 5am. I only spent £20 on Blackjack and walked away with £8, so yeah a loss, but it was fun.
Geordie walked to the station to get a taxi and I chatted to the guys for awhile, I got their British Forces Postal Number things so next time my mum sends off shoe boxes of gifts to troops, these guys get one specifically for them. And apparently they want Pot Noodles!
Walked with them to the station and hopped on a bus home. Got in around 5:45am and had to get up for a job interview with Toys R Us Head Office in Maidenhead. That was a struggle but I think it went well.

So the Drunkard is getting out and about, having a good time and random nights occur even when the immortal line "I'm not up for a late one, I have a job interview in the morning"

Think that's its for this months outings. This drunkard needs to go the gym as I've missed a few sessions, but there is an all you can eat Chinese happening on Saturday and we get to break in some friends new Sofa.

NB: The picture I took this morning on the way home from my interview. Was opposite Back of Beyond fyi.

Tales of a Drunkard: The Return

It's a welcomed return to our intrepid drunkard, a.k.a ME! I've ventured out into Reading now and again, and I've been round houses for nights out but I feel Saturday was a proper night out for me. Though saying that the previous Saturday was a proper night out... And so was Wednesday. Fuck there goes my blog about beginning to go out more. Bollocks.

OK so I went out on Wednesday for BBC: Introducing and saw a pretty good band at the end of the night, another ensemble band which I love, as you always get more diversity with more instruments. Anyway we went there, had a few drinks then went to the Turtle as per most nights out. Spent a bit of time and money drinking there then walked home. On the way I stole a Subway poster and was quite proud. We came to Jacksons corner and did something I've always wanted to do ever since watching a documentary.

Basically, I'm annoyed that all the lights in shops stay on overnight, theres no need. I don't want to window shop at 3am and it's a waste of electricity. So this documentary followed people in France turning off all the shop lights in Paris at night via those Red 'FIRE' switches outside. Now I'm still in two minds as to whether A.) It turns off all the power inside so the fire brigade don't electrocute themselves or B.)It triggers the fire alarm.

In my drunken state I decided to find out so flipped the switch. Nothing happened. I screamed "SCARPER LADS" to my mate and pegged it while giggling away to myself for saying scarper. Stopped about 50yards away and just saw my friend meandering along at a leisurely pace. The lights remained on, and I didn't hear any sirens. Along the way I also stole a tyre from outside a tyre center thing in Reading. Don't ask me why but it's now sitting outside my door.

All in all, it was a good night out.

Tales of a Drunkard: The Prequel

So following the odd pint of alcohol over the past week and a bit i decided to venture out on a proper night out of sorts. Gathered a few people and hit a wetherspoons for some cheap strong cider. For some reason they were checking the ID of everyone coming in, which unfortunately for Ed meant he couldn't come in. So we met them at the Turtle for a continuation of drinking.
Sat down at a table drinking snakebite is pretty much all i want to do on a night out. Chatting bollocks about, well, bollocks. Not in the literal meaning, we didn't talk about male genitalia, but the conversation came close at times. One of our friends got cracked onto by a guy, that pretty much set the next hour of conversation.

The night went well, had a few walks round to see what was going on and finally settled at the Table Football by the front of the pub. Had a few games between ourselves, then joined by a girl named Shaz or Gee and her friend Alex. She was quite cute but had recently been dumped over the phone, and previously over Facebook and then text... Really? Do some guys just not have any balls/decorum?

We also played a couple of people that appeared good, they had a couple of good tactics to playing table football. While Geordie and mark were playing i sparked up a conversation with some people sat near us, as you do when your drunk and people look bored. Though with such witty remarks like "Your opinion means shit to me" i realised my efforts were wasted in conversing with him. Apparently having long hair, baggy jeans and wearing black automatically makes you better than everyone else and you can be a dick to everyone.
So to that guy, fuck you. You ruined what was an average night out. Thanks. Twat.

So my first real foray into drinking in Reading was by and large a success. Though again it just reiterates the fact that a small portion of the world become cunts when drunk.


I'm still not 'officially' drinking again, i mean i havent visited the Murco yet.

Tales of a Drunkard: Finale

Well this is the last drunken re-cap which was New Years. We started out at my friends where we played some Mario on the Wii and drunk a punch concoction of vodka, rum and fruit juice. Stayed there for quite some time just playing and drinking, mini dartgun fight too. We trundled along to the Hope Tap, i had foolishly left my coat at home thinking we wouldnt be wearing them. How wrong i was. Everyone else was wrapped up warm and i was freezing my nuts off. Though the walk was a long and cold one (it was actually fairly short but still cold).

We started the drinking games, Three Coins. Rules of which are:

You have three coins which you throw onto the table and depending on what comes up you do the following:Br:
Two Heads - You drink

Two Tails - You nominate someone to drink

Three Heads - Everyone Drinks

Three Tails - New Rule

With the new rule it could be anything like 'Everyone drinks with their opposite hand' or 'everyone time someone is nominated, the person to their left drinks" you know the idea...

Anyway we got quite drunk and by 9.30pm we were all drunk, far from the midnight celebration, but continued with the games. Twice the bouncer came over and told us to calm down, i mean yeah we were noisy but there were only 4 of us, not like we were rowdy. And its New Years for fucks sake. We left and went to Lounge 108 which is below a sushi bar.

Its an awesome venue with an amazing sound system. The decor is all white seats and its fairly small, fitting about 50 people in, 60 at full capacity. So our new years was intimate. Though we got there about quarter to eleven it was fairly empty. We had free shots and at midnight a glass of champagne with a shot of black sambuca in i think, was wierd but was nice. We celebrated new years and sat around drinking and having fun. Smashed two glasses, well someone did, and by the end of the night stank of stale beer.

Our night pretty much ended around half one. We walked back to our friends flat stopping off at Maccy D's. Now if you know me (which none of you probably do) you'll know i havent eaten McDonalds in about 3 years now. But it was cold, i was really really drunk and tired and needed food. It was a means to an end and im ashamed but i bought a Cheesburger and chips.... The shame... And well thats the last one for another 3 years :D

We went back and i passed out on the sofa, which was 3x too small for me but i've slept on worse before. Got up around 11am and most of us were fine (Mark) and ventured out to have a fry up at the pub we left the night before. Unfortunatly i was talking about how i'd like to spend New Years day drinking all day with friends and ordered a beer with my breakfast. Thankfully not drinking for 6months isnt a New Years resoloution and just a choice, but i drank that beer for medicinal reasons. It helped my liver process the alcohol in my system thus preventing any long lasting damage.

Went shopping, bought Borderlands and spent the day playing Borderlands with my friends. Also bumped into a friend and got my bag of 25 DvDs i lent her when she broke her back a few years ago. So all in all a good New Years Day.

Even though New Years Eve was fairly quiet and there were just a few of us, it was one of the best New Years Eve nights i have had in quite some time. So here's to next year.

Tales of a Drunkard: Sober

Well that time of the year for resolutions and celebrations. I for one and continuing on my abstinence of alcohol. Last year i went for 4 months without alcohol from Jan 1st to April. This year I'm going one better and going 6months with no alcohol till June which is my birthday. This also gives me time to plan the most epic of drinking nights/days that i could possibly embark on.

So this drunkard is hanging up his Tankard for 6months. So this blog will change from drunken recollections to other musings. Probably stoned musings, but musings and random encounters nontheless.

Till June my little drunkards. Till June.

Nintendo Pictochat - Stoke Redux

This has to be one of the best travel tools you could ever have in your pocket. Within the small confines of the sweet innocent Nintendo DS lives the heart of a dirty perverted beast just waiting to rub up to you while stood in the line for the checkout at the supermarket.


Pictochat amused myself and my friends while on the journey up to Stoke last weekend. Either for chats that were pointless, endless drawings of dicks or the chance to write in big letters 'C*NT' while the ticket inspector was getting lees ticket.

Which reminds me of something i forgot to mention. During Geordies banishing of old women from the comfort of a seat with a table, lee decided to just sit comfortably on his own table with two girls, one of which who was quite pretty. This is also how the joy of Pictochat amused us, as like small children, we could speak to each other, about people in our surroundings, and have them not be any wiser.

So to you pretty pink loving girl on the way to stoke, you were pretty. And to the ticker inspector, you weren't a 'C*NT' or Bald.

Pictochat. Better than the DS.

Tales of a Drunkard Pt.9: Stoke and Stafford

This outing is sponsored by The Hangover Cure. More about that later.


So for this last outing we trekked to Stoke. Yeah i know people say "Why would you go to Stoke" and i say "for a friends birthday".

So supplies packed we met at the train station and board the train to Stoke. That was the first mistake. We had pre-booked our tickets so we could have a table seat to ourselves to drink and play cards and what not. Unfortunately there were 3 old ladies sat all comfortable in our place. Now unsure what to do i stood there with mark behind me looking at each other, trying not to laugh and also embarrassed that our northern friend Chris decided to turf them out with no remorse, i think i also saw him tapping his watch as these frail women eased themselves out of the chairs. Not only was there lots of embarrassment going around there was also a queue forming behind us. I quickly shuffled into my seat and sat looking out the window as to not make eye contact.

Shortly after we set off the cans were cracked open, by myself, and the Cards/Nintendo DS's and Laptops were broken out. Train was fine, though got really busy towards Birmingham.


Got the bus to Stoke city centre and went to my friends sisters club that's being done up. Looks amazing and cant wait till it's finally finished as it will be a great venue, especially when the other elements are completed.


So we went back to their house, got showered and changed, had a drink and whatnot and got a taxi to Stafford. The taxi ride was one of the funniest i have ever had, i was crying with laughter on numerous occasions. It doesn't help when sisters laugh the same and at the end let out a sigh which then starts the laughter again.... OK maybe you had to be there.

Started the night with a nice Subway to settle the stomach and went to Chicago Rock Cafe (Which isn't a real Rock bar Geordie) and had quite a few 2-4-1 Cocktails, though the barmaid was slow and just didn't give a fuck about serving people. So we moved onto the second venue. Second venue was pretty good, had a few drinks of various nature including two bottles of champagne, sambuca, beer and vodka. Only problem is the bar proved a bit too pretentious, bringing out the champagne in a bucket with a fucking firework flare attached as if to scream "Hey EVERYONE, look at these guys buying champagne, aren't they complete dicks". Anyway drinks drunk and laughs had we moved onto a new club that had opened and thanks to Chris, who knows everyone there is ever to know, we got in for free and scouted out the new club which had something like £1mil budget.

Now this club was amazing, but you'd expect that from £mil. Though it was abit too big, i got lost a few times not knowing if i was upstairs, downstairs or where. The pluses being that they had Guitar Hero, Rambo and Pod Racing machines in a side room, LED dance floor, a giant Disco Ball (At least 9 feet high and as much wide and about 3 other dance floors. The uniforms for men where red waistcoats and for women were red corsets. More drinks where had, mainly beer, though strangely no dancing was had, well the odd Geordie scuffle dance though Chris and Sol (my friends sister and her husband) had a Dance Off. In true movie style too. There wasn't anyone on the LED dance floor and a song came on, so Sol went on and danced as Chris watched from the sideline, then went and did his dance. This went on for a good 5 minutes with the crowd watching and cheering too. So bizarre but excellent to watch!

Our Taxi was booked for 3.30am so we made our way to get something to eat, Chips and Gravy, and jumped into the taxi back, again an enjoyable taxi ride was had. Got back to the house and me, mark and Geordie took sofas to sleep on. Though my bed was a wavy chair, like a psychiatrists. Brilliant to sit on but a nightmare to sleep on.

Now before i went to bed i had one of Drink THC's Hangover Cure. Pint of water and one of these before bed will apparently cure a hangover. Now I've always had the notion that drinking a pint of water before bed will help prevent a hangover because of the dehydration that occurs when you drink alcohol. But DrinkTHC has vitamins and electrolytes and other things that mean something to some science guy. All in all it is meant to replenish all the vitamins that are lost due to alcohol consumptions (Like Vitamin B12 to name but one). Anyway drank it and in the morning i felt fine, i mean i hadn't drank tons but i did mix a lot of drinks as that always gives me a stinking hangover. I had a dull headache, though mostly from lack of comfortable sleep, but looking at the other guys pale faces i think i came out better. Only problem with a hangover cure is it takes away the "OMG what a night that was, i cant remember much and my head hurts" which i kind of like. Its like a badge of honour. Plus i wouldn't remember to take one of these each night i had been drinking as all i want to do is stumble in and up the stairs and fall into bed.


All in all, if you can remember to take one of these mixtures before bed, you won't regret it as you'll feel fine in the morning.

We went for a massive breakfast in Stoke and a walk round some shops before getting the train back to Reading. Again people were sitting in our seats so me and Mark just decided to sit away from the guys and play on our DS's and beat Geordie at Mario Kart, over and over and over again.

Got back to Reading about 5.30pm and went home to veg out. Brilliant time had in stoke and amazing time in Stafford.

Here's hoping we go back when the club is finished, possibly for New Years as that will be my last time drinking this year as I'll be giving up alcohol again for my new years resolution, till at least April, maybe June for my Tales of a Drunkard Special Feature......

The Hangover (Not a movie review)

So from the power of Twitter, and the obvious amount of alcohol i write about, the kind folks at DrinkTHC have decided to send over some samples for me to 'test'.

So as i await a package of hangover cures, i sit patiently and remember the worst ever hangover i have had to date.


A couple of weeks ago i went for a few drinks with some friends before they went to see Jimmy Carr at the Hexagon. Not wanting to go home we went through my options of:

Go Home

Drink on my own

Go to the Cinema.

Now leaving was no option, and 9 was on in 5 mins so i was running out of options when this guy i had a brief chat to said i could hang out with him and his mates. So i accepted his offer and stayed with him. Had a few more drinks in Pavlovs Dog and moved to Revs, which i didn't want to. Got to Revs and met with a few other people they knew, had a few shots with them and started drinking Orange WKD (Don't ask, i have no idea why) And had quite a few dances and bumped into my cousin, which was weird.

Went to the turtle afterwards and had a few snakey B's as per usual nights out, and felt rather worse for wear. As i left it started to piss down but i shrugged it off and started walking. Though that was a shit idea. As it was absolutely pissing down. Walked for about 5mins and i had to shelter, then walked 5 more mins and had to shelter again. Honestly it was stupid the amount of times i had to shelter under something to dry and stave off the water, but who was i kidding, it was hammering down.

Woke up and i thought i was dying. I had no thumping headache like usual and text my manager telling him i wasn't coming in. Sat up and ran to the toilet throwing up twice.

The whole day at work, yes i was guilt tripped into going in, i felt like throwing up. That was THE worst hangover i have ever had. Usually its just bleary eyed, thumping headache and dry throat. Maybe, just maybe, the odd loss of balance.

So with the impending trip to Stoke coming up in a few weeks, i will be able to test drive this here Hangover Cure.

Tales of a Drunkard Pt.8: Manchester Horror Outing

So for the 30th October, and my friends Birthday, we were destined to trek the way to Manchester. 195 miles, or 4 hours to put it another way, but more on that later.
Being as organisationally challenged that we are, we decided to pick up costumes on the way via Fun N Frolics in the morning. Now Sci-Fi, you'd think, is a relatively broad subject matter. WRONG. I mean yes, robots and spacemen aside, there's fuck all you can do with the minutes counting down.


Cowboy.... in space. Pirate..... in space. Roman Centurion.... Time traveller of course.

After seeing an eye patch in the pirate aisle, yes there are aisles of costumes, and settling on the idea that we all buy; An Eye patch, 70's wig and hope to get black t-shirt in Manchester, we could all go as Snake Pliskin (Escape from NY/LA). Though on the way out we saw Thunderbirds costumes. Now whats more Sci-Fi than Marionettes that fly space ships? Nothing i tell you. So three costumes purchased we had two Thunderbirds with a blue sash and one yellow sash'd one.

Costumes done and we stopped off at Tesco for breakfast treats for the journey and we made haste to Manchester. Pretty average car ride really, music, talking and the yellow car game. Many punches later we got to the service station around Birmingham somewhere, had a refuel of tea and whatnot then to Manchester.

Got to the Hotel at a reasonable time, got settled in and started drinking. We had a nice big room, flat screen telly which had Sarah Jane Adventures on. We hooked up the Ipod and just chilled.
Lee and Kat had a dodgy door in their room. It was a fire exit that opened onto someone else's room, so they switched. Me and Mark decided drinking was in order while the others got ready, so pissed about with our costumes.
The others thought it would be good to have some food before a heavy night of drinking, though i was already pretty tipsy. We walked down the road and found a little Italian restaurant. Amazing little place that was, had some Calamari and a nice pizza.
So a drink and food down, it was time for a costume change.

All suited and booted, Three Thunderbirds and a Vulcan Starfleet officer, we got the taxi into Manchester to meet the birthday boy. Now i might seem a little harsh here but the man looked like Jeremy Clarkson more than the supposed Malcom Reynolds that he was going for, but at least he made an effort and went through with the plan!

We met up with his mates from Uni and all put as much effort as us we had; Wolverine, Neo, David Bowie from Labyrinth, Faith from Mirrors Edge, Faith from Buffy, Rorschach and a Leia.. Might have missed a couple.

Went to FAB which was apt as we were thunderbirds and its a pretty cool and geeky place, lots of movie and TV memorabilia and a few classic arcade games just by the toilets. Had lots to drink and danced a few hours away before heading towards another club.

This club was pretty good, think it was called Jellys? But had lots of different rooms for different types of music, Ska, Metal, Rock, Drum and bass etc. Cheap drinks too. Quite a few people left after the FAB bar so the numbers where hardly ideal for mass outings, about 5 from Manchester and all from Reading where still there. Which was proof that we are hardcore :D

Stayed at the club for quite some time, and i couldn't dance in the Thunderbirds costume so i took that off (Had clothes on underneath before you ask) and continued the night. Stayed there after the birthday boy left and in the end was just three of us till the closing of the bar nearly. We had a conversation with some metallers out side the club and then walked to the taxi rank where i took one home. Got back at some ungodly hour, rather sober, and had to buzz the door to be let into the hotel. Luckily my roommate for the night left the door unlocked as i didn't have a key. Though between me coming in about 4am and waking up at 9am i lost my costume. I gave it to the guys who were leaving but who knows what happened. Ah well was only £20.

We spent the morning walking around the Trafford Centre, which is massive and really really nice inside. Had a burrito for breakfast. Didn't buy anything though which is good and bad in itself. Had a nice long trek back to Reading along the motorway and went through the toll road too, to speed things up.

Ultimately i had an awesome time. Met some amazing people from Manchester and the surrounding areas that i feel I'll probably never talk to again, or much anyhow. Which is a shame. Though Manchester impressed me through two clubs and a pub, so looking forward to going up again, possibly the new year.

Next stop: Stoke in Dec. Good times.

Hopefully will have my Hangover Cure samples to give it a proper road test :)

Tales of a Drunkard Special: Interpreting the Signs

Forget palms and tea leaves. Look for the signs....

So i was walking home in a drunken stupor and thought it would be funny to to take pictures of road signs. And well interpret them. So here goes....

Take Life:


Just to reiterate:

Because if you don't, you'll just end up going in:

All your decisions will be going like:

Thus any hopes and/or desires will fall upon:

Although hidden, your views on the world will be more liberal:

And at the age of:

You'll feel life is going:

But soon you get the green light:

To go ahead and start on those important things:

You'll be forced to change your views:

But don't fall prey:

But:

Otherwise other people's views will:

And your views will suddenly change on their axis: